Hmmmm! Let me just say in regard to the "spa" treatments offered by the ship's spa staff. They were indeed staffed by the most professional, intelligent, attractive young lass's of Australian and European descent seen on this cruise. I have been an ardent student of massage for three decades and suffice it to say I learned some new things about the art of touch.
1. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER! EVER, refer to the attractive accent of your potential pain inflicter, errrr massuese, before reading her nametag. Or, you might be subjecting yourself to the painful inflictions caused by mistaking a sexy Scottish Brogue for the sexy Irish lass. "Thass like me askin' ya' if ya're from Canada". They don't like that.
2. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, EVER, tell your potential torturer, err massuese, that you might have screwed up your ankles while you were a former Marine. i.e. they think you LIKE pain.
3. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, EVER, crack wittily about said techniques thereby causing your new drill instructor, err massuese, to laugh repeatedly and often throughout your session thereby making her think that because she was laughing you were having fun!
4. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, EVER, decline the essential massage oil and aromatherapy products guaranteed to continue the therapeutic massage experienced in the spa to your home - and upon which she is being paid commission - prior to your departure from Helga's House of Pain.
I did thank Clare - the Irish Lass - for removing the naive, quaint, American notion from my tiny little brain that a massage was supposed to be pleasurable.
Besides if I went into detail I would be violating the supreme title of this thread - WHOTCSOTC!
Regards,
TS