LADIES - Learn The RULES!!!!!!

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[JoeSixPack1]

OK LADIES - LEARN THE RULES!!!!!!

The Rules developed by National Fairness to Men Organization. This time like the "United States Constitution" these rules are developed by Men. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules for all women to live by! Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

Rules for Women to Live By

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be!

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair and by then you're stuck with her.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do! Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. ALL men see only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.

[gitmo]

I can manage the toilet seat, up or down, but the cute toilet seat covers that are so thick the lid and seat won't stay up have to go.

If you don't allocate one hand to holding them, they will swing down like a lesbian with nunchuks on Mr. Happy every time. This will definitely cause overspray, not to mention screams in the night.

HOW TRUE! My wife got one. The first time I tried to use the *$%^&* thing, I took it off and dumped it in the trashcan.

LOL

[B.O. Plenty]

Bump

[sweetliberty]

"my hair is half way down my back and will stay there until I die or it falls out on its own."

I agree. The last time I had my hair cut short I think I was 13 or 14. I just don't think that most women look attractive with short hair, at any age. In fact, I think most short hairstyles make a woman look older. I have cut my hair to shoulder length a couple of times in my adult life, and I felt nearly naked. It is now nearly to my waist, and while I may trim it back a few inches form time to time, I can't imagine that I would ever really cut it. When I was a little girl, I used to watch my great-grandma brush her long, thick, silver hair 100 strokes every morning before braiding it and twisting it into a bun. I always thought it was so pretty.

[sweetliberty]

"Any other female FReepers who hate to shop...raise your hands...I know you are out there"

[Servant of the Nine]

"Telling whoppers again swervie?..."

ROTFL! It had to be said.

Do you remember some incident I don't?

So9

[sweetliberty]

"Do you remember some incident I don't?"

Should we tell him Nully?

[Servant of the Nine]

Should we tell him Nully?

Oh please do.

So9

[gitmo]

You never miss huh? Typical male response....always looking to ignore his short comings.



These handy targets help improve one's aim.

[sweetliberty]

I do enjoy shopping if it is in some little town with unique shops and I have lots of time and a little money to spend. Then it can be fun. But in general I hate shopping for clothes, shoes, groceries, household necessities and most everything else. If there is something I need I find it very frustrating to have to shop for it, especially if it is something that involves taste and comfort. It is just so unlikely that you will find what you want right away.

[sweetliberty]

"The #1 reason dancing is so sensuous; and why guys who don't learn to dance are foolish."

*Sigh* ... a man who gets it. I have always told my male friends, "learn to dance and you will have your choice of women."

[JoeSixPack1]

That urinal was designed by a woman!!!

The target area is all wrong!!! The only thing that can hit that is a stubby!!

And unless there's a pic of Hanoi Jane over the drain we can't see, it's going back!!!!!!

<;|-)~~

[sweetliberty]

"Very few women past the age of 50 look good with long hair."

Do y'all think my long hair makes me look older??

[JoeSixPack1]

Do y'all think my long hair makes me look older??

Thank you, I've waited two days to say this........

Please see rule #1. :-)

[gitmo]

Unless it's mounted about shin high.

[sweetliberty]

Those are hilarious!

[sweetliberty]

"Either Judge Dredd or Demolition Man"

It was Demolition Man. Classic lines too.

[sweetliberty]

"The more beautiful, graceful, and elegant a woman is the more her very existence is a rebuke to the butch man-haters, who insist that women can succeed in life only by acting like men."

Don't you find it odd that they strive so to be like those they obviously detest?

[JusPasenThru]

I haven't read the entire thread so forgive me if this has already been said: older women cut their hair in order to save money on hair coloring.