Posted on 06/04/2003 8:02:40 AM PDT by IvanT
You’ve probably heard that story about the Inuit having 50 words for snow? Well, the sign of a genuine Canadian is that he has 50 words for doughnut. When a glacial wind is howling through Moose Jaw and Medicine Hat and it has been dark for five months in Tuktoyaktuk, Canadians head for Tim Horton’s, Dunkin’ Donuts, Robin’s Donuts, Country Style, Coffee Time, Baker’s Dozen, and all the rest of them. When it comes to the perfect doughnut, Canada is the unquestioned world leader.
In the less important matters of world politics and military strategy, Canada is rarely seen as a leader. Indeed, Canada-bashing is now very much in vogue, especially in right-wing circles in Britain and America. Canadians themselves tend to be self-deprecating. But insist enough, and you will find that under the chuckles about not knowing the words to the national anthem there are fierce patriots who will tell you that Canada is the best country in the world, and mean it.
Indeed, Britons should look to Canada for an example of civilised 21st-century living. There they will find a state which is unafraid of preserving its sovereignty in the face of enormous pressure to integrate with its gigantic neighbour; a state which is prepared to fight when fighting is needed, but which also knows how to make peace when peace is called for; a society which combines prosperity and opportunity for the individual with socialised medicine, a successful system of public education, and far-sighted subsidies to the arts and cultural groups. Canada really is the best place in the world; a fact repeatedly endorsed by that bête noire of the American Right, the United Nations.
But this is far from the prevalent view in the Anglosphere. Canada represents all that the Mark Steyns of the world abhor: peace-loving, half-French, welfare statist — what Pat Buchanan so aptly calls ‘Canuckistan’. The latest outrage was Canada’s refusal to endorse the Anglo–American invasion of Iraq. Prime Minister Jean Chrétien has never been invited to the ranch in Texas and almost certainly never will be now, unlike his more subservient British and Australian counterparts. ‘Wimps!’ shouted the front cover of the US National Review, recommending that America bomb Canada at once. (They forget, of course, that the last time it came to a fight Canada burned down the White House.)
More seriously, there seems to be a widespread delusion that because Canadians are Nice, the sort of people who invent UN peacekeeping, promote multilateral institutions and gentle notions such as ‘human security’ and ‘soft power’, and advocate international disarmament and the rule of law, they are necessarily lacking in moral fibre.
The fact is that while others sat out the first few years of both world wars, the Canadians were in there with Britain from the word go. It was a Canadian unit that took the surrender of the Boers at Paardeburg, a Canadian corps that routed the Germans at Vimy Ridge and Amiens, Canadian warships which convoyed half of all maritime traffic across the Atlantic during the second world war, Canadian infantrymen who held the line at Kapyong in Korea, Canadian aeroplanes which dropped one third of all the Nato bombs on Yugoslavia in 1999, and Canadian soldiers who died in Afghanistan fighting the War on Terror last year.
When the going got tough at Srebrenica, the Dutch packed up and left. Not many miles away, when the Croatian army had moved in to massacre the population of the Medak pocket, the Princess Patricia’s Canadian Light Infantry met them head-on. Outnumbered, outgunned, under intense and prolonged fire from machine-guns, mortars, and artillery, the PPCLI held their ground and forced back the murderers, saving the lives of hundreds of defenceless civilians.
Canadians have shown the same ruthless cool on their home ground. When Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau — the epitome of nattily dressed, French-speaking surrender monkeys — was asked how far he would go to defeat the terrorists of the Front de Libération du Quebec, he replied, ‘Just watch me!’ One day later, he declared martial law, deployed tanks in the streets of Montreal, arrested and detained hundreds without trial, and crushed the FLQ in short order. ‘There’s a lot of bleeding hearts around who just don’t like to see people with helmets and guns,’ he commented. ‘All I can say is, go bleed.’
Canadians know how to fight, and when it is needed they catch the torch and take up the quarrel with the foe. But they also have the common sense to know when fighting is not needed. According to the National Post newspaper, the Canadian government reviewed the so-called ‘dossiers’ on Iraq and dismissed the hype about weapons of mass destruction as unjustified by the facts. In retrospect, we can see that they were right, and that Canadian abstention from the invasion was based on the most sensible assessment of the actual threat.
Canada’s commitment to worldwide peace and disarmament is no less fervent than Tony Blair’s; merely more effective. Ottawa almost singlehandedly, in the face of massive international resistance and through the force of its moral influence alone, persuaded the rest of the world to ban those most deadly and indiscriminate of weapons, landmines. Everybody may remember the fashionplate princess and her Angolan photo-op, but the agreement was called the Ottawa Treaty long before she sailed up to pose with it.
Mirroring American claims that one is ‘either with us or against us’, a British government minister recently told me that Europeans must choose whether to be allies of or rivals to the United States. Canada’s example proves that it is possible to find a ‘third way’. The Canadians partner their colossal neighbour when it is right to do so, but stand up to it when they disagree with its plans. Imagine if Britain had a similarly independent foreign policy! Next time, instead of allowing the EU to destroy British livelihoods and resources through the Common Fisheries Policy, Mr Blair could follow the Canadian example: Ottawa seized a Spanish fishing vessel by force, then displayed its illegal nets in front of the United Nations building in New York. Equally, why should Britain feel so pressured to adopt the euro? Canada maintains a separate currency very happily, despite the huge American market right next door.
On a more emotional level as well, Canada offers many parallels for Britons. Canadians are far closer to us than their American cousins. Research shows that American and Canadian values have been diverging significantly in recent years. Thus, while 50 per cent of Americans attend church regularly, only 20 per cent of Canadians claim to. Like Britain, Canada has become a decidedly secular country. It is also a model of multicultural integration. The critics who complain that it is too European only in economic terms — high-tax, low-growth, and stifled by socialist regulation — are simply uninformed. True, there is great regional variety, but Alberta has almost the lowest taxes in North America, and no provincial sales tax whatsoever. Federal and provincial governments across the country have balanced their budgets for years, and in some cases have reduced their state debts to levels inconceivable in Europe or the debt-ridden United States.
Even Canadian culture is surreptitiously conquering the market. From Celine Dion, Shania Twain, Alanis Morissette, and Avril Lavigne to the endless collection of exported comedians who dominate the American television and movie market, from Margaret Atwood, Michael Ondaatje and Robert Lepage to the Cirque du Soleil, from the delightfully un-PC humour of the late-lamented Mordecai Richler, now enjoying a booming posthumous success in Italy, to the grand old man of Canadian letters, Robertson Davies (who doubled as Master of the wonderful Massey College at the University of Toronto), Canada is surprisingly over-represented. Three of the four finalists for this year’s Booker Prize were Canadian.
Canada-bashing should be left to Mark Steyn and the denizens of South Park. A printable excerpt from the lyrics of the latter’s theme song runs: ‘Blame Canada,/Shame on Canada,/We must blame them and cause a fuss/Before someone thinks of blaming us.’ The real Canada stands on guard for North American modernity combined with European social enlightenment — and better doughnuts.
Paul Robinson is assistant director of the Centre for Security Studies at the University of Hull. He has also served as an intelligence officer in the British and Canadian armies.
Nyet, tovarish. 1999 in Croatia, as mentioned in the article. 5 Bronze stars awarded to the Canadian Pats in Afghanistan. Hopefully, the Americans will keep up the pressure on our gov't and force us to re arm the military. As I see it, any gov't, whether Liberal or Alliance, will have to do it, there's no choice. Lewis Mackenzie himself called for the Navy to acquire at least 2 aircraft carriers like the HMS Ark Royal. Let's hope it happens.
Actually, he's an Englishman, and an ex serviceman himself.
The fact this Canada-booster chooses to live instead in a grey town in the Northeast of England should probably be taken as a reflection on his sincerity.
He's an Englishman I though that would've been plainly obvious from the English point of view of the article......apparently not.
Which reminds me: After we sunder Canada, we will be targeting Bulgaria.
A testament to the friendly relations our 2 countries have always enjoyed.
The majority of Canadians live within a few hours by car from the US border: less than an evening's trip if by tank.
There's a reason for that. Ever been farther north? It's bloody cold up there.
For years, Canadians have been flooding our currency exchange with their own currency which looks very similar to ours but is worth considerably less.
It wasn't at one time in the eighties. I didn't know you had Blue five dollar bills and Red fifty dollar bills with Kingfishers (a bird) and Mounties on them? Astonishing.
Canadians battled with the US from the get-go during the French & Indian Wars, starting in 1755. In summer of 1997, Canadian fishermen blockaded US vessels for three days in protest for US fishermen catching "Canadian" salmon in US waters. The Canadians have a maritime boundary dispute with us as well.
Um, Canadians in 1755 were mostly French and some English, they really weren't Canadians as we are today. At any rate, that's ancient history. It was Americans who were the aggressors at the northern bordor during the Revolution and the war of 1812, so really, what'd you expect our reaction to be?
Ontario, in a shocking smack in the face of morality, recently declared it legal for women to walk around topless.
Morality is in the eye of the beholder, I suppose.
Canada has no discernible cuisine or culinary specialty of its own.
Oh really?
Canada has attempted to undermine the one US sport that they do not currently have a team, football, with their backwards "Canadian Football League".
Who cares?
Canada has long had a history as a drug importation funnel to the United States.
...and the US has long had a history as an automatic weapons/drug/criminal importation funnel to Canada. I have news for you, the border goes two ways.
England peaceably split with Canada, and Canada still views the English monarchy as their head of state. The US has had several noted disputes with England and the English monarchy.
God save the Queen. Oh yeah, and as I recall, Britain is currently your most staunch, of your dwindling cache of allies. So this statement is somewhat the contradiction, isn't it?
Canada's unemployment rate was nearly twice that of the US's in 1996. The number of illegally employed Canadians in this country is unknown.
And our unemployment rate is currently lower than yours. We created over 500,000 jobs in Canada in 2002.
Nearly 1/6th of Canada's GDP is the result of exporting to the US. Only 2% of the US GDP is the result of exports to Canada.
We are still your biggest trading partner. Obviously, we have stuff you want, so why wouldn't we take advantage of that? You seem to like our Hydro, our lumber, our uranium, our military parts, and soon, I'm sure you'll be liking all our fresh water too, seeing as you lot are running out.
During the Vietnam era, thousands of draft-dodgers escaped up to Canada, where they remain.
....and thousands more CANADIANS voluteered, faught, and died serving in the US army in Vietnam, precisely the reason there is an all Canadian portion of the Vietnam memorial in Washington.
The drinking age in Canada is 18, inspiring our teens to pour across the border, get loaded up, then crash into schoolbusses soon after crossing back.
You should teach your children to drink more responsibly then, where are your morals? Also, the drinking age is 18 only in Quebec.
The magnetic north lives in Canada. Imagine if they decided to move it.
That would be cool.
There is something of an ethnic conflict in Canada between the French and English speakers. Similar conflicts worldwide erupt in horrible bloodshed.
Thankfully not here, unlike say, Cincinatti a couple years back, and Los Angeles after the Rodney King beatings.
Hundreds of Canadian students pelted Ex-president Bush's vehicle with snowballs on Nov 19. 1997 on a trip to accept an honorary degree from the University of Toronto.
That's actually quite funny, I didn't know that.
Additionally, during the presentation of the degree, 30 faculty members left in protest.
As is their right.
Canadians, when presented with the above evidence, usually scoff and declare Americans to be "paranoid", or "bigoted".
Naw, we actually still like you.
*sigh*
That's the problem, isn't it? There *IS* no tougher opponent.
*sigh*
Yeah, all of 'em making moose cheese.
Ya maple-syrup-swigging parka-wearing Eh-boys.
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