No, I don't think fathers are less important. In fact, I'll go out on a Biblical-interpretation limb (following Doug Phillips of visionforum.com, among others) and venture to say that over the course of a person's life, his or her father may well be the more influential parent. The Bible describes a fatherless child as an "orphan," whether or not his mother is living. The father is the covenant head of the family, the image of God the Father to his children. If the father fails, it is very difficult for that need to be filled by others. So am I a total nutcase, or what :-).
Nonetheless, in the case of babies, my personal feeling is that a mother is more (feeling for words ...) immediately essential. Not that babies aren't mad about their fathers, not that fathers don't derive great and lasting benefits from caring for their babies ... I never feel better about my husband, than when he's with our babies.
But men don't experience pregnancy, childbirth, or the care of an infant quite the way women to. For example, I had a miscarriage last month, at 5 weeks. Having guessed I was pregnant for only three weeks, I'd already "discerned" the baby's sex, named him, planned what he would wear home from the hospital, posed for pictures, imagined the early weeks of nursing him ... my husband, although he was saddened that we wouldn't be having the baby we expected, had not experienced the "relationship" I had.
There's a physical sense of motherhood, particularly of a young infant, that is not as typical of fatherhood. Now I'm not nearly as cool a parent when the kids get older ... "Oh no, we're stuck with Mama? Clean the house and take naps!"
As always, opinions are significantly conditioned by experience. My father was a Navy officer, and was gone up to a year at a time when I was a child. My husband's work has often involved considerable travel. (We all hate it - I really wanted to move to the farm and raise goats!) I may incorrectly diminish the necessity of fathers because of the periodic absence of fathers in my life, and my children's lives.
I respect your views; they sound as though they are well thought out and you certianly have the experience you need to tell me these things.
I'm sorry about your baby.
I suppose because I had a great relationship with my father I see this differently. I get tired of seeing fathers treated nominally; as though they are second class citizens instead of the vital link in the chain of family.
I still think that maternity and paternity leave should be equal. The first few days and weeks of life are essential for bonding. The father should be there to take part in that special time.
" For example, I had a miscarriage last month, at 5 weeks. Having guessed I was pregnant for only three weeks, I'd already "discerned" the baby's sex, named him, planned what he would wear home from the hospital, posed for pictures, imagined the early weeks of nursing him ... my husband, although he was saddened that we wouldn't be having the baby we expected, had not experienced the "relationship" I had. "
My experience with miscarraige was a bit different. I've had 3 miscarraiges and 2 children after those. I honestly think my husband took all 3 harder than I did, especially the first one. After the first one I refused to get my hopes up until I saw a heartbeat on the ultrasound. And with the first one I was so severely sick and hospitalized due to the pregnancy that I felt that one just wasn't meant to be that time. All 3 were natural miscarraiges and before 10wks into the pregnancy. I'm sure he still wonders how it would be to have a 5 yr old now but I don't ever wonder about things like that. What I like to believe is that it took my son 4 tries to get here, rather than that I lost 3 trying to get him here. Maybe the one you lost just wasn't ready to be here quite yet.