Catherine Zeta-Jones
2003 Academy Award Winner
Best Supporting Actress
From Oxblog:
IMMUTABLE LAWS OF DOWD1. Ashcroft never deserves credit.
2. Offering constructive solutions to problems, instead of whining endlessly about them, is a sign of weakness.
3. The People Magazine principle: all political phenomena can be explained with reference solely to caricatures of the personalities involved ("Dubya" is stupid; "Poppy" is an aristocrat; Cheney is macho-man; etc.). Any reference to the common good or even to old-fashioned politicking is, like, so passe.
4. It is much better to be cute than coherent.
5. Maureen knows best. Her long years as a columnist (doing basically what your great-aunt Tillie does in the nursing home bull sessions, but getting paid for it) have given her deep insight into foreign relations, politics, welfare, the Constitution, and all other topics. To disagree with Maureen in any way is not only a sign of being wrong, it's a hallmark of pure evil...or at least membership in the NRA, which is pretty much the same thing.
6. It is usually possible and always desirable to name-drop and name-call in the same sentence.
7. The particulars of my consumer-driven, shamefully self-involved life reveal universal truths.
Explanation of the Dowd/Douglas connection: by Miss Marple- 2/11/03
Ms. Dowd was escorted around New York and DC for many months by one Michael Douglas of Hollywood fame and fortune. She got to go to all the best parties, was photographed for the tabloids, and was picking out a gown to wear at the Oscars. Of course, Michael had become interested in her during Clinton's impeachment, when she had written some very anti-Clinton columns. After a few weeks of the Michael treatment, she began to write anti-Starr, ant-Newt columns, ignoring Clinton.
Then Clinton was acquitted by the Senate. In an amazing coincidence, Michael Douglas dropped Ms. Dowd like a hot potato, and instead picked up a hot tomato, Catherin Zeta-Jones, who subsequently bore him a son and they were married.
Ms. Dowd cannot get over her tragic loss. Her columns are increasingly anti-Bush, in the hope of impressing her lost love, Michael.
In addition, we think she has a secret crush on the President and is trying to get him to pay attention to her. Ha!
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Editorial
Amish, and I can assure the Mennonite community that the world will be well protected from terrorist threats from around the globe." When asked if that protection also included the United States, the President responded that it was possible to protect the United States and we should all be responsible to keep an eye out for those who may be hostile. When referring to last weeks deadly VX nerve gas attacks in San Francisco that left 600,000 people dead, and last months dirty bomb atomic explosion that obliterated Berkley killing millions, the President confirmed that those individuals who were responsible will be held accountable, and it is possible that it will be most probable that they will be found. When one harsh individual asked about whether we should really care about losing Berkely since it was never a part of the United States to begin with, the President replied that "We all must be reponsible. Berkely was valuble and it was probable that the terrorist attacks can be solvable." When asked what he was going to do to step up precautions against terrorism, the President said he has increased funding to the EPA and that everyday we are cleaning up the fallout as well as taking better precautions against global warming. "Need I remind the people of the United States that 
although it is possible that we have probable terrorists who are hostile, we cannot be irresponsible when it comes to global warming. My fight for the enviornment will never cease, and it is for that reason alone why I chose to rip off the 
head, urban development is out of control and the carbon emissions from so many cars are causing global warming. All these are the direct result of over-population and therefore we must absolutely keep ignoring over-population and keep on protesting the logging community, the depletion of the ozone layer, urban sprawl, and global warming." Oprah immediately went into her "black accent mode" and riled up the audience, "Y`all lets hear it for tha greatest President that eva wuuuuzzz boyz!" The crowd began screaming wildly cheering and cheering. Oprah then went on to talk about how close this country came to doom, how close "that guy" meaning G.W. Bush (I shudder at writing it`s name), came to being President and how it was so fortunate that the Supreme court did the right thing and ruled that "not have been punched at all chads" counted as a vote for Al Gore.(This was proven when an electron miscroscope magnified the chads at the atomic level and found that indeed some of 
the electrons of some of the atoms had moved, therefore qualifying as a vote for Al Gore). When Oprah also pointed out about how fortunate it was that the Supreme court also ruled that all votes for 
Bush were in fact for Gore because of the severly confusing election machines, saying that it wasn`t fair that people should understand the arrow concept, the President stared blankly at Oprah for a minute then said, "Oh yeah yeah..The arrow concept." Oprah then went on, "I mean who would have known that an arrow pointing to G.W.Bush was a vote for G.W.Bush? How many here would have known that?" said Oprah pointing at the audeince. None of the audience raised their hands. She then thanked everyone for keeping up the election protests, saying it was so close but because "of ya`ll" this mans Presidency is in a lock box ya`ll!" The crowd stomped it`s feet cheering wildly.