Arafat's next vacation

Israel Insider ^ | 5/25/2003 | Reuven Koret

[Israel Insider]

It's springtime, and throughout the land of Israel, people are planning vacations. We live in a small country, only 10 miles wide in the areas where most of our population lives, so it's a vital necessity to escape from the pressure cooker of our existence here from time to time. But even as we think of ourselves, and our families, we should not overlook the less fortunate among us.

Pity poor Yasser Arafat, stuck in his Ramallah headquarters now for this past year. Mind you, Ramallah is one of the nicer Arab towns in Samaria, with a nice fresh breeze from the surrounding hill country. But even Ramallans need an escape from time to time. Young Arab men remove their keffiyahs, exchange them for Jewish prayer-shawls, and head into Israelis towns to self-destruct. Young Arab women, dressed in designer fashions, high heels and bomb-belts, head south to blow themselves among the Jews in shopping malls.

Everyone needs a holiday. And poor Arafat has been holed up in the same resort complex for well over a year now. The building has been gradually filling up with terrorists wanted for various acts of murder and mayhem by Israel. By now it is probably not very hygienic, especially with the windows closed.

Now that Arafat has appointed his deputy Abu Mazen to serve as Prime Ministerial puppet, this old Gepetto has a golden opportunity to open up the window and see the world again, to exchange warm hugs and multiple kisses from world leaders, causing stubble-burn at the highest echelons of European society. Indeed, Pinocchio has made his own meetings with world leaders contingent on the puppeteer being allowed to leave Ramallah.

Israeli officials have never prevented Arafat from leaving Ramallah. They just won't guarantee that he will be able to come back. And they also don't promise that, with him gone, they won't seize the various terrorists who currently occupy his Mukata time-share.

But everybody deserves a vacation break and Arafat, along with his companions, are no exception. It's a human rights issue. Therefore, in cooperation with the Solidarity for International Movement travel agency, we suggest the following selection of leading destinations for their traveling pleasure.

Paris is just lovely in the springtime, and the sooner the better. Israel is currently expecting a high level diplomatic visit from the French foreign minister. French Foreign Minister Dominique de Villepin is arriving on Sunday, and Israeli Prime Minister Sharon has said that if the eloquent defender of Saddam's right to keep on keeping on meets with Arafat, the Frenchman is not going to meet with senior Israeli officials.

Rather than greet the French with a tradition diplomatic exchange of gifts upon arrival, why not give Arafat and his companions as a going away present to accompany Mr. Villepin on his journey home? Arafat's trophy wife Suha lives in a Paris penthouse along with their child, so the move, even if one-way, has the additional benefit of being a "family reunification." And the absorption of a couple hundred Arab terrorists will hardly be noticed in France. Indeed, Arafat will be able to renew his acquaintance with various exiles from the Iraqi regime who the French have been so kind as to host.

Another attractive alternative for Arafat would be Guanodung province in China. The Chinese have been long-time supporters of the Palestinian cause. He and his colleagues are comfortable covering their faces with masks, so they would fit right in. The streets of Guanodung are relatively uncrowded these days, and hotel occupancy is down, so Arafat should be able to find suitable accommodations. May I suggest some of the locked wards where Chinese infected with SARS are quarantined? I hear the air there is excellent! Reminds me of those hotels they used to advertise when I lived in America. Roaches check in, but they don't check out.

Finally, Arafat may want to check out some of those Al-Qaeda charters that depart occasionally from various locations. Last week a few enterprising Arab gentlemen were planning a flight from Saudi Arabia with the intention of crashing it, September 11th style, into a building somewhere in the Middle East.

It sounds ideal for adventure travelers like Arafat and his companions, a kind of trip down memory lane. It's one of those last minute deals--just pack your box-cutter and go.

In that case, Israeli may even be willing to lift its insistence on one-way-only travel. If the Godfather of Hijacking really wants to return directly to the Mukata, without even leaving the plane, who are we to stand in his way?

But we are perhaps stepping out of bounds in suggesting holiday destinations for the Palestinian leader. Perhaps he really doesn't want to fly at all. There's no place like home, after all. Perhaps the solution is not to send Arafat away, but to remove all the distractions which surround him in his current place of residence.

It's like the famous Yiddish story about the Rabbi who counseled a fighting couple to bring into their small house all kinds of farm animals. Once their home looked and smelled like a barnyard, the Rabbi told the couple to remove the goats and sheep and donkeys. Then the company of each other didn't seem so bad.

Perhaps Israel should so something similar for Arafat, only take it one step further.

Let's remove the terrorists from his midst, and bring them to the justice they so richly deserve. Then Arafat will be able to better enjoy the halls and walls of the Mukata, some real peace and quiet for a change, for him and the world.

Now that would be real peace, as Arafat is fond of calling it, wishing upon, and visiting upon, his Jewish neighbors: the peace of the grave.

Where he's going, of course, it's plenty hot, all year round, till the end of time. But then again, he's used to that. He'll feel right at home, meeting and catching up with all his old friends. Hell, maybe he can invite new friends like Mr. de Villepin to keep him company.

So, Bon Voyage, Monsieur Arafat! Wherever you go, send us a card when you get there. If you get there.

[TrueBeliever9]

I think the real arafat has been living in paris with his sweet wifie all along. The arafat in Israel is his double and a much younger one at that.

[Reactionary]

"And poor Arafat has been holed up in the same resort complex for well over a year now. The building has been gradually filling up with terrorists wanted for various acts of murder and mayhem by Israel. By now it is probably not very hygienic, especially with the windows closed."

Indeed. Arafat and his terrorist minions stink up everything. Everyone still remembers the putrid mess they left in the Church of the Nativity.