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Top Ten Signs Something Is Wrong at "The New York Times"

10. When anything bad happens, front page asks, "Where are you, Spider-Man?"

9. Answer to every clue in Sunday crossword puzzle: Taffy

8. New policy: "We'll print your name in any story for $49.95"

7. Everyone in photographs looks like the publisher in a wig

6. Most stories involve the reporter ending up drunk at a strip club

5. They just endorsed Dukakis

4. Motto "All The News That's Fit To Print" replaced by more trendy "Don't Go There, Girlfriend"

3. Its journalistic integrity is questioned by Geraldo Rivera

2. They believe President Bush's tax cut is a good idea

1. Sports page reports Mets in first place