Fear Imperils Free Speech (Another Jimmy Breslin Alcohol-Induced Column)

Newsday ^ | April 1, 2003 | Jimmy Breslin

[PJ-Comix]

"Why?" I asked her.

"Just a minute. I am counting."

Kathy Fierre, 26, here from Ecuador for 16 years, was arranging her cash register in the coffee shop at the Port Authority Bus Terminal.

I am watching TV at this coffee counter yesterday afternoon. It was the counter nearest the Times Square subway entrance.

[PJ-Comix]

After posting yesterdays bizarre JIMMY BRESLIN COLUMN, I checked and noticed that his other columns also read like they were the product of someone whose brain was pickled in a vat of alcohol. Yes, this column is dated April 1 but it is NOT an April Fools joke. Breslin meant this column to be taken seriously. However, his drunken rantings provide some great laughs. Since this article is excerpted, I urge you to click on the link to read this story that goes nowhere but here are a few samples of Breslin in the few moments he was able to drop his fingers on the keypad and type out several lines through the drunken stupor haze:

This subway is my base for this war, the subways of the city, a battlefield that could be the most important action in the war. Because you can lose through enemy action, an attack on the subway now, and 10 and 20 years from now, or by your own people snatching freedom from you on the grubby pretext of security.

HUH? What does that even mean? All I can picture is Jimmy lying on the subway station floor in a drunken state while wearing a steel helmet.

Soon, if they can't find any, they are going to have to lug something in and plant it somewhere, as police would put a gun on a suspect, and say, here, we have found the Weapons of Mass Destruction!

Have another drink, Jimmy, if you think the USA is planting WMD in Iraq.

Nobody yesterday dared use "Shock and Awe." That has a boomerang built into it. The moment somebody used it, the vile words spun around and hit you right smack in the head.

So what smacked you in the head, Jimmy? A whiskey bottle?

It was silly for Arnett to go on the Arab television because they were only going to steal it from Arnett's NBC anyway. However, if Arnett said this on Arab television because NBC wouldn't let him say it to America, then there is deep trouble.

Jimmy cries into his bottle over the sad fate of Peter Arnett.

The Rosenbergs were executed for stealing the secret to the atomic bomb and delivering it to the Soviet Union. Greatest crime!

Can anybody tell me what the hell this has to do with the subject of the column? I guess Jimmy can't keep his mind lucid for long. It keeps going off track and ends up back on the bar counter.

There happened to be no single secret to the atom bomb. If there were any, the Russians had two agents steal them long before the Rosenbergs.

Because the Rosenbergs only stole a portion of the secrets of the Atomic bomb, drunken Jimmy wants to declare them innocent.

Perched on a barstool in the old Costello's on 44th Street, visitor I.I. Rabi, who won the Nobel Prize...

This is what matters most to Breslin. Being perched on a barstool. Jimmy's VERY FAVORITE spot.

I will be posting more of Drunken Jimmy's crazy columns from time to time. We need the laughs!

[PJ-Comix]

Doesn't Drunken Jimmy live in your Brooklyn neighborhood?

[Sonny M]

Jimmy is pretty well known for his boozing and talking politics in some kind of drunken stupid state. He is so far to the left, that he hates moderate democrats, and considers Lieberman to be no better then any of the republicans, if he likes a democrat, you know that guy has got to be far left wing. His solution to every problem you can ever imagine, is always one of 2 things, "There oughta be a law" and "The government should do somthing about this".