It is with a great sense of honor I speak to you today. As I look over the assembled class of 2003, their faces beaming with the bright promise of tomorrow and the Jagermeister shots of last night, I am reminded of my own youthful ambitions - making the world a better place, helping those in need, having group sex with the pom-pon squad. While none of these have yet worked out for me, the dreams are still alive. One or two, anyway.
In conclusion, if you are an English major, I have a lawn maintenance business and need people for my leaf cleanup crew. You can bring your resume by the red pickup parked outside.
if you are an English major, I have a lawn maintenance business and need people for to teach my leaf cleanup crew English J