The Pink and the Black (Dowd alert)

The New York Times ^ | 05/18/03 | Maureen Dowd

[Pokey78]

WASHINGTON

As the Zen denizens of "The Matrix Reloaded" like to say, "Some things never change, and some things do."

One thing that never changes, decade in and century out, is Hollywood's dishing up gender-specific dreamscapes — .

At multiplexes this weekend, Keanu Reeves is on a quest to find out if he is The One. And Renée Zellweger is on a quest to find The One.

Mr. Reeves, as Neo, goes on a dark, violent odyssey where his strength and character are tested. Ms. Zellweger, as a cute blonde chasing a suave writer at Know, the magazine for men in the know, goes on a pink, fluffy odyssey where her wiles and allure are tested.

Mr. Reeves must be made over into a hero, wearing cool black shades and a long black cassock, so he can snare the bad guys. Ms. Zellweger must be made over into a fox, wearing false eyelashes and red-and-white gingham short-shorts, so she can snare a good guy.

The "Matrix" sequel is a fantasy set in the frightening future, a land of virtual martial arts, apocalyptic battles, motorcycle stunts and black vinyl cat suits. "Down With Love" is a fantasy set in the fun past, a land of martinis and cigarettes, bachelor pads with pop-out beds and bachelorettes with maribou slippers.

In one, machines feed off humans; in the other, humans feed off TV dinners. Neo flies, while Frank Sinatra sings "Fly Me to the Moon."

One has joie de mort, the romance of force, a ballet of slow-motion bullets and fast-slicing swords inspired by Homer's "Odyssey" and Joseph Campbell's hero myths. The other struggles to have joie de vivre, the romance of seduction, a ballet of the chaste and the chased, the cad and the spinster, inspired by Doris Day-Rock Hudson pillow-talk and pillbox-hat comedies. (Tony Randall even has a cameo.)

In the male formula, there is death, rebirth, wisdom and video game graphics. In the female formula, there is sparring, love, marriage and a fashion show. Our hero aspires to discover the Sight, the Source, the Force. Our heroine aspires to Be Cute.

In the myth of masculinity, Neo barely speaks. In the myth of femininity, Renée showers us with words.

(One male movie reviewer on CNN said "Down With Love" nearly drove him to pluck out his eyeballs.)

The chick flick spoof is flighty. There are dizzy pronouncements: "I wouldn't get to know you all the way better 'til I got to know you much, much better." There are loads of accessories: gloves, hats, even a lining of Renée's coat that matches her girlfriend's dress.

The guy movie is heavy. There are potent simplistic pronouncements: "What do all men with power want?" the Oracle says to Neo. "More power." And, "You do not truly know someone until you fight them." The major accessory is testosterone.

Watching "The Matrix Reloaded" can only refresh your appreciation of Karl Rove, who understands the power of archetypal myths.

As Elisabeth Bumiller wrote in Friday's Times, President Bush's audacious landing on the aircraft carrier was only the tip of the "Top Gun" imagery. This White House has gone far beyond Ronald Reagan's in hiring former TV producers and lighting experts and "using the powers of television and technology to promote a presidency."

His TV wizards lined up the Bush profile perfectly with the presidents on Mount Rushmore to make him the fifth head; they trained giant sports stadium lights on the Statue of Liberty when Mr. Bush spoke on Ellis Island; and they make sure the message of the day — "Helping Small Business" or "Mission Accomplished" — blares behind his head. (Imagine Abe Lincoln with a backdrop endlessly repeating: "End Slavery Now.")

Mr. Rove has cast Mr. Bush, who officially declared his re-election bid on Friday, as a G.O.P. Neo: a reluctant hero, a man of few words and one true-blue woman, who must battle enemies and forge alliances in a strange world, building strength and character as he rescues humanity.

The master strategist could easily adapt a few "Matrix" lines for campaign slogans: "There is only one way to save our world: Bush." Or "We're all here to do what we're all here to do." Or "I protect that which matters most."

Testosterone as a campaign accessory. Because some things never change.  

[Pokey78]

His TV wizards lined up the Bush profile perfectly with the presidents on Mount Rushmore to make him the fifth head

The bitch has the MAJOR hots for our President. Too bad for her that her "man" runs on batteries.

---

Catherine Zeta-Jones
2003 Academy Award Winner
Best Supporting Actress

---

From Oxblog:

IMMUTABLE LAWS OF DOWD

1. Ashcroft never deserves credit.

2. Offering constructive solutions to problems, instead of whining endlessly about them, is a sign of weakness.

3. The People Magazine principle: all political phenomena can be explained with reference solely to caricatures of the personalities involved ("Dubya" is stupid; "Poppy" is an aristocrat; Cheney is macho-man; etc.). Any reference to the common good or even to old-fashioned politicking is, like, so passe.

4. It is much better to be cute than coherent.

5. Maureen knows best. Her long years as a columnist (doing basically what your great-aunt Tillie does in the nursing home bull sessions, but getting paid for it) have given her deep insight into foreign relations, politics, welfare, the Constitution, and all other topics. To disagree with Maureen in any way is not only a sign of being wrong, it's a hallmark of pure evil...or at least membership in the NRA, which is pretty much the same thing.

6. It is usually possible and always desirable to name-drop and name-call in the same sentence.

7. The particulars of my consumer-driven, shamefully self-involved life reveal universal truths.

---

Explanation of the Dowd/Douglas connection: by Miss Marple- 2/11/03

Ms. Dowd was escorted around New York and DC for many months by one Michael Douglas of Hollywood fame and fortune. She got to go to all the best parties, was photographed for the tabloids, and was picking out a gown to wear at the Oscars. Of course, Michael had become interested in her during Clinton's impeachment, when she had written some very anti-Clinton columns. After a few weeks of the Michael treatment, she began to write anti-Starr, ant-Newt columns, ignoring Clinton.

Then Clinton was acquitted by the Senate. In an amazing coincidence, Michael Douglas dropped Ms. Dowd like a hot potato, and instead picked up a hot tomato, Catherin Zeta-Jones, who subsequently bore him a son and they were married.

Ms. Dowd cannot get over her tragic loss. Her columns are increasingly anti-Bush, in the hope of impressing her lost love, Michael.

In addition, we think she has a secret crush on the President and is trying to get him to pay attention to her. Ha!

[Pukin Dog]

I used to think that if I had to be someone else, that the worst person to be would be Al Gore, because he has no idea who he is, and keeps trying on different persona looking for a good fit.

However, if I had to be a woman, Maureen Dowd would easily be the worst woman to be that I can imagine. It really must be a rotten, vile thing to be her. Better her than me.

[sd-joe]

So men are men, and women are women, and all the liberal attempts to squash out the differences just never worked, and most of us like it like that.

[nothingnew]

I have no idea what the dowd is writing/talking about in this unreadable article. She's flipped her lid.

FMCDH

[Paul Atreides]

I find it amazing that The Dowdy One is employed as a writer. She goes from Topic A to Topic Z without any form of coherence or relevance whatsoever.

[TomB]

President Bush's audacious landing on the aircraft carrier was only the tip of the "Top Gun" imagery.

You can tell that that image is permanantly burned into her psyche (such that it is). The flight suit put her over the edge.

That biological clock ticking must sound like a chorus of jackhammers in her feeble brain.

This White House has gone far beyond Ronald Reagan's in hiring former TV producers and lighting experts and "using the powers of television and technology to promote a presidency."

How convenient, she left out Clinton. But then, of course, there would be no comparison.

[HuntsvilleTxVeteran]

Does any reputable media outlet have this info
or only the nyslimes?

[Katya]

"The guy movie is heavy"

Huh? Now who's sexist Ms. Maureen? Just because you're the type of female who writhes for sentimental drivel...doesn't mean Matrix is a boys night out.

[ewing]

Maureen phones it in going to the multiplex after a night of too many cherries..

[Prodigal Son]

(One male movie reviewer on CNN said "Down With Love" nearly drove him to pluck out his eyeballs.)

The wittiest thing in the article isn't even attributed to her.

I haven't read a Dowd screed in a looooonnnng time. I don't know what made me do it today. I worry for her sanity. You don't notice the changes in yourself from daily looking in the mirror. It's only an old friend who hasn't seen you in a while that can say "wow, you've certainly changed". Maureen has flipped her lid (not that I'm some old friend).

What I got out of this was Matrix/Down With Love. Matrix/Down With Love. Matrix/Down with love.... Bush is Hitler! Karl Rove! Karl Rove Karl Rove!

This woman is foaming at the mouth or as Neo might say- "Whoaaa!"

[ewing]

The funniest male review of 'Down with Love' I have seen said 'I would rather spend 2 hours with Uday Hussein than watch that again.'

[clintonh8r]

I wonder if MoDo ever reviews Douglas or Zeta-Jones movies....

[eddie willers]

Matrix/Down With Love. Matrix/Down With Love. Matrix/Down with love.... Bush is Hitler! Karl Rove! Karl Rove! Karl Rove!

A perfect synopsis with not a detail omitted.
Maureen fleshed it out a little because she's paid by the word.

[Prodigal Son]

You know, I think this connection (ala M Marple) is actually valid. Rene Zellweger- Chicago. Catherine Zeta Jones- Chicago. Hmmm.

[Paul_B]

This woman certainly can find nothing to write about, can't she?

Just a touch of bitterness, eh Mo?

Before when I called her sophomoric, I meant college sophomore. This article descends to high school level, at best.

Ms. Dowd, the stuff you are putting out would be a disgrace to almost any paper execpt the NYT. More than anything, it's sad.

[section9]

The idea of George W. Bush as Neo is something that only Dowd could come up with, strangely enough.

Now don't get me wrong. Dowd is a clever writer. She knows when to turn a phrase just to put the knife in the right place. That takes talent.

But there is a profound difference between great talent, which is what Dowd has, and great writing, which is what she cannot have.

A key to understanding the intellectual mediocrity that is Dowd's writing is to look for any instances of the use of topical terminology to get a point accross. Using The Matrix Reloaded as a starting point, she begins to use the movie's lead character, Neo, as a metaphor for what Republicans will do with Bush's persona next year. Instead of developing an idea into a coherent argument, what Dowd will do is discuss culturally topical goings-on, then sedgeway to politics, using the cultural event as a prop placed against her ideological view of America.

Again, its akin to a teenager sporting new makeup in the new style to grab attention.

That is all these columns are, tantrums for attention. Intellectually, this brain fart has less significance than, say, bad travel writing. Ernest Hemingway she ain't. Of course, her constant invective against W., and her novel ways of describing a man she is supposed to hate betrays something else: secret adoration and lust.

If no one else will come out and say it, then I might as well: Maureen Dowd wants to get nailed silly by Goerge W.. However, there's a lady there, already, blocking Maureen's way....

Folks, it was the Flight Suit photo that did it.

....ah, Maureen, pining for that one last stop at The Package Liquor Store before the long ride home.

Be Seeing You,

Chris

[ewing]

My advise to Mo is to seek treatment for the hot flashes..

[kcordell]

My advise to Mo is to seek treatment for the hot flashes..

I think she did and got 'over medicated'.

[Steel Wolf]

Mr. Rove has cast Mr. Bush, who officially declared his re-election bid on Friday, as a G.O.P. Neo: a reluctant hero, a man of few words and one true-blue woman, who must battle enemies and forge alliances in a strange world, building strength and character as he rescues humanity.

I'm not a psychologist by any means, but this sentance struck me as particularly instructive as to the type of person Ms. Dowd really is: Bitter, disillusioned, and lost.

[ewing]

You nailed it right on the head, this is college sophmore type drivel- the kind of stuff I would expect to see in the local University paper.