Janeane Garofalo Calls It Like She Sees It: An interview with famed provocateur and pop pundit

Movie Poop Shoot ^ | May 16, 2003 | By Thom Fowler

[Porterville]

Askew, if you will

Ergo, Me thinketh she is a pompous ignorant Hollywood idiot with yes, a dictionary and a crack pipe...

[Wondervixen]

If Garafalo calls things as she sees them, perhaps the "famed provocateur" should consider not keeping her "famed intellectual glasses" up her rectum when they're not in use.

[daylate-dollarshort]

"Oh my (he sighs), if I only had one wish......

...no, no one has that kind of luck...

[beckett]

The interview shows that Garofalo is so deeply bound up in wrong conclusions based on false premises that it's unlikely she can ever get out. Maybe after she's been sober a few more years she'll have a "moment of clarity" about politics to equal the moment of clarity she had about booze. AA friends have told me that does happen on occasion. But she looks like a pretty hard case.

[got_moab?]

I wish Scott Peterson would take her fishing.

[daylate-dollarshort]

"I wish Scott Peterson would take her fishing."

Nawww...she's too ugly for bait. Even fish have their standards.

[nothingnew]

I wish Scott Peterson would take her fishing.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!...beer on my monitor and keyboard alert!

FMCDH

[ewing]

I get all of my late breaking news from the 'Movie Poop Chute,' lol-especially from Janene Garafalo!

[DeepInEnemyTerritory]

His faith. What has JG substituted her alchahol addiction with? Arguably, the feel good shallow cult of liberlism.

[ChadGore]

---

To: freepatriot32

By Jeneane Garafalo

I don't get it. I'm a good person who lives an honest life and is nice to people, yet for some reason, I seem to have the worst luck: My toast always falls jam-side down, the one day it rains is always the day I leave my windows open, and the one time I have unprotected sex in a public-beach changing room, I end up with chlamydia! What gives?

Yes, every single year, I go for my annual gyno visit and, without fail, I find out I've got chlamydia again. Why am I always the one to get chlamydia? It's just not fair!

It's not like I'm any more sexually active than the average girl. My best friend Susan Suranden has sex with her boyfriend almost every single night, and she's never had it. Me, I'll be lucky if I have 200 one-night stands in an entire year! So if she's having sex at least 10 times as often as me, why hasn't she ever had it? Did I do something wrong in a past life? I don't think I've done anything recently to deserve being cursed with chronic chlamydia. I guess I'm just a chlamydia magnet or something.

I know what you're probably thinking: Susan's so dumb, she never got her first infection cleared up. Well, that's just not true. Sure, I was totally freaked when I first got it and the DNC convention back in 2000. (I thought I was going to go blind or crazy or something.) But when my doctor told me that, if caught early, chlamydia is easily cured with just a day's worth of antibiotics, I was totally relieved. Thank goodness my first experience wasn't like the time I caught that rare strain of Southeast Asian chlamydia. Lying in that hospital bed with my urethra on fire made me appreciate how easy it was to get rid the normal chlamydia I usually get.

I'm not irresponsible, either. I take care of myself, because I totally wouldn't want to spread it to other people. Especially cute guys. There's nothing more embarrassing than getting a call from some hottie you picked up at the bar last month accusing you of giving him chlamydia. Once that happens to you half a dozen times, you start to get real careful and make sure you go to the doctor as soon as you see symptoms.

And it's not like I don't have standards. I tend to go for goth-wanna-be, Micheal Moore-type guys, the kind who'd be very unlikely to have an STD. Plus, I almost always have them use a condom if they don't swear up and down that they're clean. So what's the deal?

We've all been there. I mean, I'm hardly the only one out there having oral, vaginal, and anal sexual contact. I'm just the one who winds up with a pus-like discharge shooting out of my hoo-hoo.

Sometimes, I think it's my family's fault. The Glauber clan is cursed. My dad died in a drunk-driving accident when I was 5, and my mom is just plain crazy. She actually got pregnant when she was 40 after dating a guy she worked with for a week. She even kept the baby. That's why I'm on the pill. I've been more or less lucky on that front (don't ask), yet I've got to admit that this chlamydia thing gets me down. Maybe if I came from a different family, I might have better luck.

Oh, listen to me pissing and moaning: "My family's crazy"... "I wish I was luckier"... "I'm always contracting chlamydia." Everybody's got problems. It's not like I'm starving on the street without a penny to my name. I've got good friends, a good job, and a halfway-decent sex life. Maybe instead of whining about how much I seem to get chlamydia, I should be thankful for the times I don't have it.

I must say, I would probably have a more positive attitude about the whole chlamydia thing if I didn't have it right now. But, as they say, the grass is always greener on the STD-free side of the fence, right?

[F16Fighter]

"Your president's a recovering alcoholic. What's he replaced his alcoholism with?"

Dubya is now high on American patriotism -- AND inspiring his people towards disinfecting the world of leftist wing-nuts, self-absorbed poseurs, and pompous nitwits...

Ringing a bell here by chance??

[Admin Moderator]

Your president's a recovering alcoholic. What's he replaced his alcoholism with? Ian www.spinneyhead.co.uk

I don't know. But I do know that I have replaced you with Folger's Crystals.

I don't think anyone will notice.

[kstewskis]

you're right. Bidding starts at .02 I'd give her/him/it change for it's worth.

Seller is from L.A. Southern Kapitol for Socialism.

[Prodigal Son]

I think someone needs to buy this woman a drink.

[Bommer]

Your president's a recovering alcoholic. What's he replaced his alcoholism with?

I guess the real question is who is smarter?

President George W. Bush earned a bachelor's degree from Yale University and an MBA from Harvard Business School; served as an F-102 pilot in the Texas Air National Guard; began his career in the oil and gas business in Midland in 1975 and worked in the energy industry until 1986; elected governor on Nov. 8, 1994, with 53.5 percent of the vote. In a historic re-election victory, he became the first Texas governor to be elected to consecutive four-year terms on Nov. 3, 1998, winning 68.6 percent of the vote, with 49 percent of the Hispanic vote, 27 percent of the African-American vote, 27 percent of Democrats and 65 percent of women.

Janeane Garofalo: Dropped out of college Career: Stand-up comedy/acting - Oh and BTW - Recovering Alcoholic!

Bush replaced his booze with service to his state and to his country and love and faithfulness unto the Lord.

Garofalo replaced her booze with chlamydia from "having 200 one-night stands in an entire year!" Yep this is an idiot I want to listen too!

[jagrmeister]

It amuses me how the Left sees itself as independent thinkers, as skeptics. Yet, they are blindly loyal to the liberal creed- unquestioning of liberal dogma and slavish before liberal leaders like Clinton. They are intellectually uncurious about the inefficiencies of government bureaucracies, about the fact that handouts foster dependence, and how the government controls citizens and buys votes through its welfare state. They surrender power to the federal government at the drop of a hat- money is power and they are always ready to take money from the citizens and turn it over to the government in the form of a tax increase. An independent thinker would not rest his fate in the hands of a bureaucrat- whether it concerns education or health care. Liberalism is a civic religion. There are fundamentalists, like Garofalo, who are unquestioning drones. But there are a few willing to challenge the sysem such as Zell Miller, people are not willing to cast a blind eye to the failings and frequent illogic of the Democrat party. Liberal fundamentalists are so "skeptical" - so eager to point out everybody else's problems- you wonder if they have any time to examine their own.

[He Rides A White Horse]

Garofalo's fifteen minutes of fame should have ended fifteen minutes ago.

[AgThorn]

I equate this, before I quit, I quit drinking in 2001. Before that a lot of people would say, “You’ve got to quit drinking.” I would be like, “Why? I don’t have a problem with alcohol.” And they’d say, “You have to quit drinking alcohol.” I would say, “Alcohol is not the problem. I don’t have a problem with alcohol. I was adamant about that. And then my friend Amy said, “I need you to quit eating oranges. And I went, “Okay.” And then she said, “Do you see? I just asked you to quit eating oranges and you were fine with that. And when I asked you to quit drinking you make a big deal that drinking is absolutely not a problem.” I equate that, if that makes any sense, with the oil issue. If you bring up oil, you are somehow some kind of wing nut.

Uh ... I do think that this girl (and I say that as if I am talking about a little girl, by the way she is lost in her wierd unfounded rationals) needs some serious counsel.

The point is that "oil" is the left's only rational of rock throwing to the right. They have no basis for it other than our president being from Texas has some strong ties to the industry therefore it must be "about oil."

This warped mentality omits that
1 - it is quite clear that for France, it WAS about Oil, and that to keep Saddam in power, was proven to be tied to their strong oil relationship with Iraq and the "bonanza" that they were after with this tie.
2 - They also miss the point that if it was truly "about oil" for the USA, it would be a lot easier to deal with Saddam to buy oil than for some future peoples republic of Iraq that may be more difficult.
3 - If it was about Oil, why did Colin Powell immediately say that ANY funds from Iraq's oil belongs to the Iraqi people and we will hold them in trust until we are gone and we will be gone as soon as possible, which history shows is always pretty damn quick .. sometimes too quick (WW2 coming to mind).

The problem with the Garofalo's of the world is that they simply do not think.... they either make up or simply "parrot" some rationale that they heard that fits with the "anti-Republican" position that they want to hold.

To encourage women and minorities to "vote Democratic" also has no basis in any facts, but that is another subject entirely....