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I hope you dont mind if I jump in and give some advice.

I've been following this thread, at first because of the humor, and now because of the real life issues it covers.

RM, when a man agrees to be married, or asks a woman to marry him, he is accepting the fact that he has to put his childhood out to pasture and take on the mans role in marriage. What we want or what we desire as men is secondary to the needs of the wife or children.

We are now responsible for the lives and welfare of others who believe in us, and we cant allow our personal pursuits to interfere or even pre-empt our family duties. We cant be the center of attention, even if we want to be all the time, and we cant have it all our way. This doesnt mean we cant aggressively pursue carer goals or things that make the family more secure, because all people, men and women deserve to fulfill their destiny.

This doesnt mean we( men and women) cant have fun, and continue to pursue hobbies or whatever, but we have to do it on our own time, not on family time. We also have a duty to support our family and a duty to maintain stability in the family, economically and emotionally. Its the hardest job in the world, to be honest, and not everyone does it well.

Some men cant grow up, and some refuse to do so, while others decide they want to keep pursuing women while they are married. They opt out of doing it right, and settle for a short term solution that will eventually erupt into a calamity and kill the marriage if they dont wake up to that fact.

Some grow up while they are married, and some are already grown up coming into it. They learn the proper things, and become good husbands and fathers.

That being said, maybe its time he learned to grow up and accept his responsibility as a huband and father, be less self centered, and give more to his family. Life isnt a perpetual tour of your teenage glory days and garage bands. Momma wont be there forever. He needs to recognize the fact that his wife and children are his primary family, and he is responsible for their well being and comfort above all else.

Hope that helps.

It does help, JM.

When I talk to him about the band, he insists that eventually they will be playing gigs and making money bu tit hasn't happened yet.

If I ask that he practice every other weekend instead of every weekend, he accuses me of trying to take away the only hobby he has left to enjoy. And if they practice every other week, it will take much longer to get as good as they need to be in order to perform live.

Let me add this. When I met him, he was in a band. I was 17 and he was 21. No kids in the picture yet. So, of course, it was a lot of fun to participate in the gigs and go to the clubs and party. But after my first was born, I needed him to cut back for the sake of the family and that was met with resistance.

We split up for a bit and the band fell apart. When we started working things out again, another band was created. I respect the fact that he loves to play and he is darn good at it, but I put in many years with the headaches of him being in a band and I've had enough of it. I am now 30 years old.

I am willing for him to play as a hobby of course. I just dislike that it takes up a chunk of every weekend in which I stay home with the kids while he gets drunk with his buddies. He says I'm just jealous that he gets more free time than I do, but that I should just be happy for him and realize that "this is what happens when you have kids".

Seriesly. That's what he says!