[RMDupree]

I'm grateful to you for sharing the other side of the story, Utilizer. I've had all night to sleep on it and finally spoke with my husband this morning.

We agreed on a very simple plan to save the relationship.

My top priority is doing things to make him happy and his top priority is doing things that make me happy.

It isn't easy and it's already had a bit of a bump when he suggested we get a sitter and go out. To where, you ask?

His bowling league's banquet.

*sigh*

[goodnesswins]

Does it make YOU "Happy" to go to HIS BOWLING Banquet....or are YOU making HIM Happy going to it? Good Luck....and don't give up unless he does NOT remember the "happy" goals. (NOTE: Sometimes it helps to put little notes on MIRRORS where they CANNOT Be MISSED! Nice notes...loving notes, but notes that are Reminders. He's in training)

[DeathfromBelow]

It is a start, maybe next time a movie and meal would be nice too. But he needs to know if things don't change. There is an alternative. and, it is never pleasant.

[Utilizer]

I'm grateful to you for sharing the other side of the story, Utilizer. I've had all night to sleep on it and finally spoke with my husband this morning. ...it's already had a bit of a bump when he suggested we get a sitter and go out... to his bowling league's banquet.

I sympathise, I really do, but I am afraid things are not going to change overnight. It will take time, and you both are going to be dissatisfied with something about it. It will probably never be perfect, because as time goes by not only do we change but our needs and expectations change. I am a far cry from that besotted dreamer of My youth, and the things that excited Me then are mere curiosities now. Not all, but quite a few.

Compromise will have to be the deciding factor. Decide which things are critical to the continuation of the relationship, and which are merely bothersome. Then realize that the reverse can be applied to you. If his bowling league's banquet is that important, perhaps your church group social is to you. Be flexible, however. Realize that you both have fundamentally different mindsets and inherant needs. Think of this snippet from the "100 things about guys women just don't understand" list:

"Sunday equals Sports. Live with it."

"If a guy is given the choice between shopping and a colonoscopy, he will need a quarter to flip to decide. Sometimes he will need several flips"

[watchin]

If he actually agreed to that arrangement, you're making great progress. Sounds like maybe he needs to be educated about your needs a bit. Don't give up, keep trying.