She sees through you. You should help with the work around the house and with the kids because it is your house and kids also.
If you only help to "buy her love", she feels like something she doesn't want to be.
You help beause it is your responsibility, your job.
You take your wife out on dates and woo her because you love her.
When you try to connect the two it turns her off.
I know, we have raised 7 kids and I helped a lot. I changed hundreds of diapers, I have gotten up in the night with one of the kids a lot. Kids were not just her responsibility.
We also have a good relationship as friends and have had a very good sex life. (7 kids, don't forget.)
They are all adults now, and we still enjoy each other.
We don't have kids. But we do have 2 boxers and I am responsible for 99% of their care other than when I go away on vacation.