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To: Lorianne
So, why would a spouse want obligation sex?

To make sure the hole in the boat does not get bigger.

If "obligation sex" is pointing to a problem damaging the relationship, obviously just ignoring the problem and demanding obligation sex won't fix the problem...but neither will witholding sex entirely.

Let's rephrase the situation:
If one spouse does not want sex, out of love both the one who wants it should not insist on it, and the one who does not want it should not deny/avoid it; both should seek to serve the other's needs and desires, and work to fix the problem and find a mutually satisfying middle ground.

1,050 posted on 05/21/2003 3:34:58 PM PDT by ctdonath2
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To: ctdonath2
If "obligation sex" is pointing to a problem damaging the relationship, obviously just ignoring the problem and demanding obligation sex won't fix the problem...but neither will witholding sex entirely.

True. It goes both ways. But pretense is not the answer. I feel women are being instructed to pretend on the basis of "obligation" and this is ultimately damaging to the relationship for both parties. Ultimately, the one pretending becasue she feels she must is going to feel "used" and the other spouse is also going to feel unfulfilled knowing the sex is not offered out of true sexual desire and not mutually enjoyed.

IMO I don't see anything good that can come out of a pretenses such as this. It would seem to me to delay or permanently defer dealing with other issues.

1,059 posted on 05/21/2003 4:00:38 PM PDT by Lorianne
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To: ctdonath2
I have a theory, which seems to hold true in many, though not all cases. Try this on:

What a woman often is after is the STATUS of marriage, and to some degree the husband is her means to get there. Many woman also like the STATUS of being pregnant or being a mother (look at all the women who during their first pregancy think they are empress of the universe. that's fine with me, but note that it's the STATUS that is important.)

What a man want is SEX.

The problem, therefore, is for HER to realize and fulfill his desire for sex, and HIS is to understand that this status thing runs very deep.

You may disagree, but, if so, show me the alternative. Yes, I know that people are supposed to be after True Love, etc. etc. and I don't deny that that is improtant, but what I have written above is seems to be a significant part of why they get married.
1,069 posted on 05/21/2003 4:27:02 PM PDT by fqued
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