The TRUTH About Temper TantrumsYou're witnessing your toddler's second temper tantrum of the day. It shows no signs of stopping, and the supersonic, ear-shattering, teeth-jarring screams pierce the air. Your first instinct is to run away and join the circus, but of course this isn't a real option. There must be a better way.
Temper tantrums range from whining and crying to screaming, kicking, hitting, and breath holding. They are equally common in boys and girls and usually occur from age 1 to age 3. Some children may experience regular tantrums, whereas for other children, tantrums may be few and far between.
"Children's temperaments vary dramatically," says Dr. Heidi Feldman, Director of General Academic Pediatrics at the Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh. "Children come into the world unsocialized with their own temperaments, and some are more prone to tantrums than others." How can you cope with your child's tantrums? Keep reading for tips and tactics on how to minimize tantrums and how to deal with them when they occur.
Tantrum Causes
Even the most good-natured toddler has an occasional temper tantrum. Tantrums are a normal part of development and don't have to be seen as something negative. "Children don't have the same inhibitions or control [that adults have], and the fact that they feel negative emotions is normal," Dr. Feldman explains. "Tantrums should be seen as opportunities for education, not as catastrophes."There are several basic causes of tantrums that are familiar to parents everywhere: the child is seeking attention or is tired, hungry, or uncomfortable. In addition, tantrums are often the result of a child's frustration with the world: she can't get something (for example, an object or a parent) to do what she wants. Frustration is an unavoidable part of a child's life as she learns how people, objects, and her own body work.
Imagine not being able to communicate your needs to someone. Imagine how it feels when you are determined to program your VCR and not being able to do it, no matter how hard you try, because you can't understand how. It's pretty frustrating - do you swear, throw the manual, walk away, and slam the door on your way out? That's the adult version of a tantrum. Children use the only tools at their disposal for venting frustration.
Before age 2, a child begins to develop a strong sense of self. She wants a great deal of independence to express that self and a great deal of control over her environment - more than she is actually capable of handling. The conditions are right for power struggles as the child thinks "I can do it myself" or "I want it, give it to me." When a toddler discovers that she can't do it herself and that she can't have everything she wants, the stage is set for a tantrum.
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