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President Ronald Reagan Is Asked What He'd Want The American People To Remember Most About His Presidency -- His Reply (short .wav file) *click on pic* |
| Fabulous! Thank you Eagle9. FReegards. | |
Posted on 05/05/2003 6:42:37 PM PDT by Diddle E. Squat
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President Ronald Reagan Is Asked What He'd Want The American People To Remember Most About His Presidency -- His Reply (short .wav file) *click on pic* |
| Fabulous! Thank you Eagle9. FReegards. | |
FUTURE NEWS
The date is 8/22/03
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Newly elected Iraqi President Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf a.k.a. "Baghdad Bob" meets the master.
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Baghdad- Former US President Bill Clinton arrived at Jessica Lynch International Airport in Baghdad this morning for what was to begin a month long training seminar with the newly elected Iraqi President Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf a.k.a. "Baghdad Bob. Bob won a resounding victory in last weeks elections for President of the newly established Iraqi government when it was decided by the Iraqi people to follow the example of the US and institute a system of Democracy despite severe comdemnations from France and Hollywood. Among the most vocal opponents of this were actors Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins who were said by their publicist to be in Iraq at this very moment "absolutely outraged" by this decision, traveling around by limosine with a 100 person entourage that incuded the press, personal chefs, a masseuse, a hairdresser, bodyguards, and a tailor demanding that the Iraqi people see the benefits of tyranny.
On the other hand, while pleased by this choice of government by the Iraqi people, the election of "Baghdad Bob" as President caught Washington completely by suprise being that Bob was well known for his outrageous claims during Operation Iraqi Freedom. But as Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld pointed out earlier this week, "It was up to the people of Iraq to decide who should lead their country, and that`s just what they did, so we wash our hands of it and lets just leave it at that. It`s better than who was leading Iraq last time." Meanwhile outside protesters were blocking traffic again shouting slogans against US imperialism.
What was most suprising though was when the new Iraqi President made a phone call to of all people former US President Bill Clinton for some advice in regards to "technique" when dealing with a now free press."I am a big fan" said the Iraqi President, "and I always looked up to you as a role model." Clinton flattered, not only gave advice, but he also agreed to travel to Baghdad to personally give BB some pointers. Appearing last week on Larry King live, Clinton had this to say of Baghdad Bob, "He`s good, I`ll give him that. He`s got a lot of talent and nerve, and a good outlook, but he`s still a little rough around the edges and there`s a lot I can show him to smooth him out, bring out the fine qualities that any Democrat would be proud to have as a leader." When Larry croaked, "Whaaat do you mean?" Clinton replied, "His deflection techniques for one thing could use some work. There`s the possibility that a vast muslim wing conspiracy could try to unsurp his power by questioning his mental stability during Operation Iraqi freedom, so I`m going to teach him the boundless limits of linguistic definitive structures for a start. For example when Bob said "The American infidels hold no place in Iraq, this is an illusion" he should have put more emphasis on the word "is" because it all depends on what the the definition of the word "is" is. This is an illusion is quite different from this is an illusion." "Yes yes", said Larry as he listened intently to the master.
Day one was met with the usual formalities as Bob met up with Clinton in the now rebuilt palace of former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein. It was there that they went right to work while the Clinton sat on the sidelines and critiqued Bobs answering techniques from a mock group of reporters. When one reporter inquired about why Bob made the ridiculous statement that "American troops were commiting suicide at the walls of Baghdad" when it was quite obvious they were not, Bob replied "They -are-is-too." Clinton told Bob to stop right there, that his technique was on the mark in that he did not admit to deception, but he made the mistake of "leaving the door open" so to speak in that it did not "finalize" the exchange. It was then that the master arose to to demonstrate.
As Bob watched in amazement, Clinton asked the reporter to ask the same question again, only this time Clinton himself would answer. The reporter complied and went ahead, "Mr. President, why did you make the ridiculous statement that American troops were commiting suicide at the walls of Baghdad when it was obvious they were not?" Clinton biting his lip, raised his hand in the patent Elvis manner that conveyed power, then began speaking showing his world renowned expertise at expert deflection with the form style of the non answer while making it feel like an answer by syllable emphasis and expertly timed tone fluctuation, "I did not say that! What I said was that they were commiting suicide at the walls of Baghdad, or didn`t you hear me?" A look of confusion crossed the reporters face as the master immediately said "Next question" pointing at another reporter. Clinton insisted that Bob try again. Bob walked to the podium as a smile crossed his face as he now understood the technique a bit more and with renewed confidence told the reporter to ask him the same question again.
The reporter shook his head, sighed then asked "Why did you make the ridiculous statement that American troops were commiting suicide at the walls of Baghdad when it was obvious they were not?" Bob, putting his glasses on for emphasis raised his hand up in the Elvis manner as taught and said," "I did not say that! What I said was that they were commiting suicide at the walls of Baghdad, or didn`t you hear me? Next question" "Yes yes!!!" replied Clinton as he rose. "Now you`ve got it, very good". As the day progressed Bob was showing fine form as he deflected question after question from the press like a pro. "Bill Clinton is the master and it`s amazing what people will take as an answer. I can never thank him enough!"
President Gore closer to finding 911 terrorists BY MAUREEN DOWD NEW YORK - Although it`s only been almost two years since 911, President Al Gore today said that the US is getting closer and closer each day to finding those people responsible for 911. At a news conference today the President was asked about this tremendous progress and if it was possible that those responsible might have been in the planes when they crashed on Sept 11th. President Gore said that it was possible but it`s not quite probable yet if they were they only ones responsible. When asked if it was possible that those responsible might possibly be in Afghanistan as part of the Taliban, the President responded that it was possible that those responsible might be in Afghanistan as part of the Taliban but the US needs to be more responsible before that can be solvable. When asked if it was possible that he meant he was being responsible to remain hospitable to our valuble French allies, the President replied that he was being responsible to remain hospitable to our valuble French allies and he likes the name french fries. Coming back from a fund raiser the President spoke at a fundraiser at a Hasidic community meeting. "I`ve always loved the Coming back from a fundraiser, the President appeared on Oprah last Tuesday which was being taped in Florida, the state that helped him win the election, and talked more in depth about his work for the enviornment. "Our forests are being cut down at an alarming rate, the ozone layer is looking like the bald spot on top of my |
from Dogeggs.com
Listen you maggot, POST YOUR PICTURES!
-Eric
You mean there are flattering candids of her? LOL!
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Editorial
Amish, and I can assure the Mennonite community that the world will be well protected from terrorist threats from around the globe." When asked if that protection also included the United States, the President responded that it was possible to protect the United States and we should all be responsible to keep an eye out for those who may be hostile. When referring to last weeks deadly VX nerve gas attacks in San Francisco that left 600,000 people dead, and last months dirty bomb atomic explosion that obliterated Berkley killing millions, the President confirmed that those individuals who were responsible will be held accountable, and it is possible that it will be most probable that they will be found. When one harsh individual asked about whether we should really care about losing Berkely since it was never a part of the United States to begin with, the President replied that "We all must be reponsible. Berkely was valuble and it was probable that the terrorist attacks can be solvable." When asked what he was going to do to step up precautions against terrorism, the President said he has increased funding to the EPA and that everyday we are cleaning up the fallout as well as taking better precautions against global warming. "Need I remind the people of the United States that 
although it is possible that we have probable terrorists who are hostile, we cannot be irresponsible when it comes to global warming. My fight for the enviornment will never cease, and it is for that reason alone why I chose to rip off the 
head, urban development is out of control and the carbon emissions from so many cars are causing global warming. All these are the direct result of over-population and therefore we must absolutely keep ignoring over-population and keep on protesting the logging community, the depletion of the ozone layer, urban sprawl, and global warming." Oprah immediately went into her "black accent mode" and riled up the audience, "Y`all lets hear it for tha greatest President that eva wuuuuzzz boyz!" The crowd began screaming wildly cheering and cheering. Oprah then went on to talk about how close this country came to doom, how close "that guy" meaning G.W. Bush (I shudder at writing it`s name), came to being President and how it was so fortunate that the Supreme court did the right thing and ruled that "not have been punched at all chads" counted as a vote for Al Gore.(This was proven when an electron miscroscope magnified the chads at the atomic level and found that indeed some of 
the electrons of some of the atoms had moved, therefore qualifying as a vote for Al Gore). When Oprah also pointed out about how fortunate it was that the Supreme court also ruled that all votes for 
Bush were in fact for Gore because of the severly confusing election machines, saying that it wasn`t fair that people should understand the arrow concept, the President stared blankly at Oprah for a minute then said, "Oh yeah yeah..The arrow concept." Oprah then went on, "I mean who would have known that an arrow pointing to G.W.Bush was a vote for G.W.Bush? How many here would have known that?" said Oprah pointing at the audeince. None of the audience raised their hands. She then thanked everyone for keeping up the election protests, saying it was so close but because "of ya`ll" this mans Presidency is in a lock box ya`ll!" The crowd stomped it`s feet cheering wildly.