Telemarketer reveals tricks of trade

MSNBC ^ | April 21, 2003 | Bob Sullivan

[lainie]

The phone rings in the middle of a busy day. “I just want to verify some information for your yellow page listing,” says a voice on the other end of the line. It’s your business, so you agree to the chat. Name. Address. Phone number. You reply with a simple “yes” to eight or nine rapid-fire questions. A month later, there’s a $29.95 charge on your phone bill for a service you don’t remember ordering. You’ve been crammed, another victim of fast-talking telemarketers who are skirting the edges of telecommunications law to create a multimillion industry.

..But the former employee, who was laid off by the company several weeks ago, alleges that Epixtar’s telemarketers use a variety of techniques — including altering taped telephone calls — to prove that customers agreed to charges.

..On the call, the Epixtar operator says she is verifying the business name and address. Then, after she gets the consumer into the rhythm of giving “yes” answers, she establishes that he has the right to make changes to the phone bill. But that key question, read at lightning-quick speed, is slipped in behind another simple “yes” answer.

“At this time we will begin your no obligation 30-day free trial. Should you decide to continue after 30 days your company’s Web and Internet service is only $29.95 monthly and will be included in your local phone bill appearing under the heading online services ...,” the operator says. The flummoxed consumer replies hesitatingly, “Yes ....” The former employee claims the tape was neatly cut after the word “yes.”

[BunnySlippers]

"Are you proud of yourself? Is this what you wanted to be when you were growing up?" then immediately hangs up. I spit my coke into my popcorn when I heard that.

Hahaha ... I'm going to remember that one. :)

[Cultural Jihad]

You’ve been crammed, another victim of fast-talking telemarketers who are skirting the edges of telecommunications law to create a multimillion industry.

Sounds like those (self-righteously self-centered) Objectivist Titans of (selfish) society are busy creating redistributing wealth! Gubermint, get off their backs, now!

[uglybiker]

This guy knows how to deal with telemarketers.

[templar]

If it's really a deal, then a legitimate company would send you something before you decide.

Most of these companies, legitimate or otherwise, usually pay their telemarketers on commission. Sending you literature, even if you end up buying, produces no comission for the telemarketer which is why they are generally reluctant. Usually, even if they say they will send literature, they don't because there's nothing in it for them. Even more professional sales organizations that allow the telephone person to follow his contacts the way an outside sales person would don't like to just send literature, since they know it usually doesn't produce a sale after they've been trying to close the deal on the phone.

[lainie]

I have enjoyed these responses but here's what I consider the best.

Create an account at http://www.ureach.com/. Costs less than $10 month to obtain a private toll-free number. Give this number to every business you contact. Use the website to forward your calls to home phone, cell phone, whatever you want.

I haven't had a telemarketing call in years -- except the kind where they're just dialing random numbers, and I tell them it's a modem line that I happened to see blinking. In those cases they don't even have your name. Yes, everyone that calls me costs me in minutes, but it's worth it. I think the software would even let me refuse calls from a certain number, now that I think about it.

[4mycountry]

Once there was a lady trying to sell my mom a securtiy system for my home.

She patiently waited it out and when the lady asked if she wanted to buy she said, "No, I already have a security system that works fine."

The lady pressed saying that this security system was much better. "No, I'm very happy with mine, thank you..." my mom said. "It works everytime without fail."

The lady asked what kind of a system could *possibly* be better than the one she was selling.

"Two big dogs and a loaded gun."
The lady said a quiet "oh...." and promptly hung up. We still laugh over it today.

[OrthodoxPresbyterian]

To: OrthodoxPresbyterian I see lots of potential (and fun) here. 21 posted on 04/24/2003 5:01 PM PDT by FourPeas

Life's too short to get incensed over minor annoyances.

Better by far to amuse one's self therewith, IMO.

[4mycountry]

>>>"Heidi, I'm completely naked - what are you wearing?" I heard a click and silence.
>>>ask forebodingly if the caller knows how to get a large blood stains out of a carpet.

ROTFLOL!! Good ones!!

[Twinkie]

One country stand-up comic, a real nice guy, said that he
always just paused and said in his trademark cornpone,
hicky accent, "ARE YEW NEKKID?" and breathed real hard when
they called him.

[george wythe]

Most of the time I hang up.

At other times, I pretend to be a Jesus freak and try to convert them to my "unique" church, a made-up cult.

Or at other times, I try to sell them something spurious, and I ask them to send me a check for this wonderful gadget.

They usually hang up and don't call me for a few months.

[SamAdams76]

Usually I just hang up on telemarketers or I put the phone down and go about my business while they go into their spiel. But when I'm in a playful mood, I'll do a "bait-and-switch" on them. I'll let them go into their spiel and when they are finished, I'll say "No thank you, what I really need right now is a new roof. Do you know anybody who does roofs?" Of course, if it IS somebody who is pitching roof jobs, I'll ask them if they know anybody who does pest control. I'll say "I don't really need a new roof right now but I'm up to my armpits in termites. You know any exterminators?"

[CurlyDave]

Hey lady! Do you know I've been constipated for two weeks?

Not only that I was just sitting on the pot, and really starting to get some results when the phone rang with your call...

[OrthodoxPresbyterian]

lol

[bobsatwork]

Re:Tom Mabe

Amen.
This guy torments telemarketers with evil originality. I heard his "stand up comic" bit on the radio while driving to work. I laughed so hard I nearly crashed.

[xm177e2]

I like to keep them on for as long as possible, and harass them as much as I can, before asking to be put on a Do Not Call list. It sure sucks to be them.

But they're on to people like me. They spam my phone now with automated recordings; there's no way I can tell them to put me on the list.

[cocoapuff]

if i get two consecutive phone lines ringing one after another i assume it's a marketing company i immediately peick up one line say hellp and then conference the other line allowing the two telemarketers to sell each other

[Betteboop]

I told a telemarketer who was selling alarm systems that I had a German Shepherd. He asked me if the dog knew how to dial 911. I told him that he wouldn't have to....the intruder would!!!!

[xm177e2]

Sounds like those (self-righteously self-centered) Objectivist Titans of (selfish) society are busy creating redistributing wealth!

Obviously, they aren't creating wealth--so objectivists have no reason to like them. Deceptive business practices are a form of coercement--it cuts to the heart of "contracts," the idea that people can only form business deals knowingly and willingly within a civil society. So most objectivists believe they have the right to take action against telemarketers, and generally limit themselves to what is legal because it's not worth going to jail over (it would only be immoral to walk into a telemarketing firm's HQ and blow away all of the top management because you would go to jail, and that would be too selfless).

That's my take on it, at least. I guess I will have to defer to your much more knowledgeable, nuanced, and fair understanding of objectivism that you are charitable enough to share with us all.

Gubermint, get off their backs, now!

If it wasn't for government protecting them, there wouldn't be any telemarketers, they would all have lead poisoning.

[FourPeas]

Ah, but there IS a way. The automated recordings give you a toll-free number to call. I always call it. If I can't get through right away and get put on hold, I set the phone down and let it eat away at their money. I keep calling back at my convenience until I get a real person and then run my spiel on them, including the put-me-on-your-do-not-call-list.

[Museum Twenty]

You are right about the pause being the indication of a telemarketer.

If I answer the phone and get the pause, I make sure to talk to the person on the other end.

I immediately, but politely, tell them "please put me on your do-not-call" list. As stated elsewhere, this does work!

I figure, since I've already picked up the phone, why allow anyone from their company to call me again?