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Dear Saddam Hussein & sons; Remaining Taliban & Osama bin Laden;

We are pleased to announce that we unequivocally accept your challenge to an old-fashioned game of whoop-ass. Now that we understand the rule, that there are no rules, we look forward to playing without them for the first time.

Since this game is a winner-take-all, we unfortunately are unable to invite you to join us at the victory celebration. But rest assured that we will toast you -- LITERALLY. While we will admit that you are off to an impressive lead, it is however now our turn at the plate. By the way, we will be playing on your diamond now... Batter up!

Our team line up is as follows:

Club Owner ~ God

Manager ~ George W. Bush

Ass't Manager ~ Dick Cheney

Head Coach ~ Colin Powell

Assistant Coach ~ Donald Rumsfeld

Starting Pitcher ~ Tommy Franks

1st Base ~ U. S. Marine Corps

2nd Base ~ U. S. Navy

3rd Base ~ U.S. Air Force

Shortstop and clean up hitter ~ U. S. Army

Outfield ~ Firemen and Policemen

Umpire ~ None Required - remember - the manager gave you ample time to forfeit the game. Now it's too late for discussion. He told you there'll be no further negotiations or diplomacy!

Pinch hitters as needed ~

U.S. Navy SEALS

U.S. Army Green Berets

U.S. Army Rangers

U.S. Air Force PJs

Delta Force

And, since there are no rules, we've decided to add:

4th Base ~ United Kingdom and

5th Base ~ Spain

Opening Ceremonies:

Vocal 1: The Star Spangled Banner. Ya'll stand, face the American flag and place your right hand over your heart and sing.

Vocal 2: Lee Greenwood ~ God Bless The U.S.A.

Vocal 3: Neil Diamond ~ Comin' To America

Vocal 4: Bruce Springstein ~ Born In The U.S.A.

Vocal 5: The Mormon Tabernacle Choir ~ Battle Hymn of the Republic

You may choose whoever you want for your team, France I know has been coaching you and Germany, Russia and China will at least be cheering for you. You can even get the Dixie Chicks to sing your national anthem. You might even find some human shields in Hollywood. There are many EX-movie stars who seem to really love you. I'm sure they would like to play on your team and we'll be glad to let you have them.

It won't really matter how many useful idiots you get on your side and (even if you all shave), our guys are gonna win!!!

Sincerely.

On behalf of the 270,000,000 Citizens of the United States of America

P.S.

May we recommend at this time that you give your soul to Allah; 'cause your ass is ours! Good-bye