French and German tourists visiting the remote island of Fanø this springtime could be in for a nasty surprise. Especially if they fancy a pizza. Composed primarily of sand dunes and located just off the Atlantic coast of Southern Jutland, Fanø is a popular destination for nude volley-ballers and other self-catering holiday-makers, many of whom travel up from France or Germany. But restaurant owner Aage Bjerre, who operates the island's leading Italian fast-food emporium, announced on Friday that he has imposed a trade embargo against both these two nations in protest at what he describes as their anti-US stance on Iraq. 'I have to tell you I'm pretty cheesed off,' the normally jovial restaurateur told the single journalist who attended his press conference on the steps of Fanø's Tourist Information Office. 'I've banned the Frogs for life. They're yellow-bellied wankers, and as far as I'm concerned they can starve to death.' Until last week, Bjerre imported the canned pineapple chunks he uses on his no.16 Shrimp Hawaii, in five-gallon canisters duty-free from across the nearby German border. 'From now on I'm going to buy my pineapple at Netto,' the defiant pizzeria owner exclaimed. 'It's going to cost me, but this is about principle, not about money. If the Krauts want my business they are going to have to whistle.''I have to tell you I'm pretty cheesed off,'Initially these sturdy sentiments seemed to pay off. Fanø is a bleak and desolate place in February, and normally there are no German and French tourists around for Bjerre to kick out. On Thursday, his turnover almost doubled when two additional journalists and a photographer from mainland Esbjerg showed up to interview him and take pictures. They stayed for lunch. On Friday, however, the owner of a rival fast-food joint launched a counter-attack, advertising free pizzas - when he opens at Easter - to any hungry French and German tourist ejected by Bjerre. On Sunday hostilities escalated. Local residents who make their living from renting seaside cottages and who apparently feared that news of the embargo may ruin this summer's holiday trade, staged an angry demonstration. During the night a potted plant was lobbed through the plate-glass window of Bjerre's restaurant. Finally, on Monday, after Bjerre defiantly extended his boycott to include Belgians, weirdly named radical politician Simon Emil Ammitzbøll reported him to the police. 'This kind of embargo is illegal,' the youthful Ammitzbøll told reporters. 'Providing customers with a different level of service because of their national origin contravenes discrimination legislation, and simply isn't allowed.'
Last word for the time being from Bjerre: 'Sure I've made enemies. Maybe I will go to jail. But listen, I'm not nobody anymore. Now that I'm world-famous in Denmark, anyone who doesn't agree with me can get stuffed.'
Freeper?