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To: bayareablues
Okay. Your solution, glib and easy as it sounds, will work for some. However, there are many for whom it is laughable. You are thinking these are kids with a little anxiety or panic disorder. I know parents who are dealing with children who have mental illness so serious they cannot be left unattended. A second job, obviously, is out of the question in this circumstance.

I know a family with a severely autistic child who does not sleep more than 2 hours or so per night. He's 11 and weighs 130 pounds. He will break and attempt to eat glass, which has led to multiple emergency room visits. Everything has to be locked up. He must be having constant hallucinations, but cannot articulate what terrifies him so. He has never smiled or said "Mommy." He is so violent toward non-family members, who terrify him, that nobody else can watch him. His younger sister is blind in one eye because of an attack from him. They had to refit the attic so that the boy could not hurt himself at night. They lock him in there so they can sleep, and he hollers and hits his head on the padded walls all night long. He doesn't play with toys, doesn't use utensils, isn't potty trained (they have to change his diaper, then put special overalls on him so he can't get it back off.) They can't even measure his IQ, which leads to the horrifying idea that maybe under all that dysfunction in the interface, there's a normal intellect, trapped.

He has ten or twelve different diagnoses, and has been on psychoactive medications most of his life, but there's really nothing they can do for him. Giving him up to the state isn't even an option for them because nobody else has been able to manage him at all. They have no life. The father actually has a job and they have health care, but there's no cure at any price for the child's misery, or theirs. It's a life-long obligation. In this case, there's not much your tax dollars could do to help. But I've never begrudged public assistance for people like this one.


My son is autistic but he is high-functioning and a happy, functional person. He's mainstreamed and probably the most mentally HEALTHY person I know. However, my years on an email list for parents of children with disabilities let me know--I really got off light. There are people out there whose lives are living hells, and I cannot imagine how some of them keep from committing terrible acts just to end the suffering they all go through.

Another mother I know has a daughter who has schizophrenia. She has been a ward of the state since her fourth suicide attempt at age 13. She gets to see Ally a couple of times a year. In between episodes, she's a normal teenager, who just wants to go home and be normal, but she can't be. She has to be locked up. Her mother lost her good job over the health care expenses Ally racked up before she ended up giving up custody to the state.

Another mother I know wasn't so lucky. Her son was going through some fairly normal adolescent depression with some acting out. They had a fight over whether he could go somewhere, and he went up to his room mad. He hung himself in his closet. His little brother found him--and saved his life, except he's been in a coma ever since. His mother does all his caretaking. Someday I guess she'll be too old or sick herself to do it, and it'll be the taxpayer's responsibility, I suppose.

What do you do. I'm all for personal responsibility and for taking care of your own children, but sometimes it's way too much to do...and sometimes, a stitch in time saves nine.


Liberals and conservatives are helpless alike before this problem. Sometimes you can't do anything about something awful.
12 posted on 04/21/2003 7:08:27 PM PDT by ChemistCat (My new bumper sticker: MY OTHER DRIVER IS A ROCKET SCIENTIST)
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To: ChemistCat
For cases as severe as the first one you described, I really think it's important to give up on the child, and focus on saving the rest of the family (not to mention the larger society). Keeping these poor creatures under very heavy sedation at all times would seem to be the reasonable course of action, but this is rarely if ever done, especially outside of an institutional setting.
15 posted on 04/21/2003 7:28:11 PM PDT by GovernmentShrinker
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To: ChemistCat
I cry with you CC....I just admitted my 13yo daughter for the 2nd time in just over a year. She's lucky, she gets to go outpatient...but she's so depressed she does nothing but cry. And it's not for lack of attention, I've done everything I can to give my children a normal life. I'm lucky my ex has good insurance and I have a great job that is totally understanding with me. A second job as a single mom would never be an option. I need to be here for my kids as much as possible. I don't date...I devote my life to my kids. My daughter has been diagnosed as bipolar, obsessive complusive, antisocial conduct disorder, adhd and this time around we might be adding skitzophrenia, although I am praying hourly what she's going through now is a result of the depression as they have said it might be.

My little one fights for attention, sometimes she tries to act out like her sister because she thinks it will get her attention, and I break my back giving her the equal attention she deserves as well.

Yet with all of this, I count my blessings....I am lucky...on medication my daughter is fairly normal and an intelligent and beautiful child with the hopes and dreams of most children her age. She is just depressed and even she doesn't know why. Today the school social worker called me...she was crying uncontrolably and couldn't deal with anything any more, she is the one that asked for help this time, she's tired of being sad. You can say "it must be her environment" but I can tell you that anyone who knows me would tell you my children want for nothing, they are the most loved and provided for children you could meet. She has tons of friends, good friends, a loving mother (that's me) and sister and her father loves her very much too...even though we aren't together....she has more love than most....and she will say that...she's just sad. It is hard for some people to understand how disheartening it is to see your child so sad and not be able to do a damned thing.

My point is, there are programs out there....we just need to find away to coordiante them all so that parents like me can go to one place and find all the help they need. Be it financial, emotional or informational.

27 posted on 04/21/2003 10:51:30 PM PDT by cherry_bomb88 (Another day, another doctor.)
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