Families giving up custody of mentally ill kids, GAO says

The Chicago Tribune ^ | April 21, 2003 | Paul Singer

[ChemistCat]

I don't have an answer even that good.

I do know that a neurologist advised us to institutionalize our son at age 4. "He'll never have any friends. His ability to read is freakish and insignificant, like a trout learning to recognize the difference between a real fly and an artificial fishing lure. His communication is all verbal salad. It's a waste of time to try to educate this child..." And so on, and so on...until I was restraining my husband from punching the guy in the mouth, but that was another story.

Had we listened, and given up, we would have missed out on time with one of the neatest human beings ever born into this world. When he was four, things looked a lot more grim than they turned out to be. Early intervention was for my son everything it's cracked up to be. He got the right medications at the right time, the right professionals at the right time, and it is like God had a hand in everything that has happened. There really seems to be an angel guiding my son's life. He is now mainstreamed in a demanding private school...still odd socially, but in this setting he is thriving, and the other kids love him. He gets As and Bs. Perfect speller. Math comes easy to him. Doesn't give a darn at ALL what ANYONE thinks about him, so he's perfectly happy. Sang a solo at the talent show that brought tears to everyone's eyes. ("God Bless America.")

You don't know when your child is little and his disability seems to be the whole world, if things are going to get better or worse. For me it got so much better it's like a miracle. For some it gets so much worse, Job was by far the luckier.

I think believing in your child and not giving up is part of the cure, when the cure happens. When it doesn't, and you've tried so hard, it is beyond heartbreak. I think the only way to live with that is denial. To keep hoping against hope. To keep trying, even when the kid is no longer just difficult but actually DANGEROUS.

Some autistic children make great gains in early adolescence. However, that is when mental illness is most likely to manifest itself. Schizophrenia runs in families but nobody is really safe from it.

[Kevin Curry]

Wonderful story.

[ChemistCat]

It's an understandable foolishness, I think. That family that had a daughter blinded in one eye really didn't believe he'd hurt one of them, till he did. Even so, the state they live in offers no real alternatives to them. I don't know what they've done lately as I am no longer active on that mailing list.

[cherry_bomb88]

I agree, Fitz....and that's the problem, there's so many people that abuse the system, it's hard for those that truly need it to help them to get the help they need.

[cherry_bomb88]

I cry with you CC....I just admitted my 13yo daughter for the 2nd time in just over a year. She's lucky, she gets to go outpatient...but she's so depressed she does nothing but cry. And it's not for lack of attention, I've done everything I can to give my children a normal life. I'm lucky my ex has good insurance and I have a great job that is totally understanding with me. A second job as a single mom would never be an option. I need to be here for my kids as much as possible. I don't date...I devote my life to my kids. My daughter has been diagnosed as bipolar, obsessive complusive, antisocial conduct disorder, adhd and this time around we might be adding skitzophrenia, although I am praying hourly what she's going through now is a result of the depression as they have said it might be.

My little one fights for attention, sometimes she tries to act out like her sister because she thinks it will get her attention, and I break my back giving her the equal attention she deserves as well.

Yet with all of this, I count my blessings....I am lucky...on medication my daughter is fairly normal and an intelligent and beautiful child with the hopes and dreams of most children her age. She is just depressed and even she doesn't know why. Today the school social worker called me...she was crying uncontrolably and couldn't deal with anything any more, she is the one that asked for help this time, she's tired of being sad. You can say "it must be her environment" but I can tell you that anyone who knows me would tell you my children want for nothing, they are the most loved and provided for children you could meet. She has tons of friends, good friends, a loving mother (that's me) and sister and her father loves her very much too...even though we aren't together....she has more love than most....and she will say that...she's just sad. It is hard for some people to understand how disheartening it is to see your child so sad and not be able to do a damned thing.

My point is, there are programs out there....we just need to find away to coordiante them all so that parents like me can go to one place and find all the help they need. Be it financial, emotional or informational.

[cherry_bomb88]

Per the article, these are mostly adolescent males. If you read between the lines, these are mostly large violent "children" who need to be in an institutional setting. No family can handle this, and I'm sure many of these kids are from totally dysfunctional homes, with parents who have history of drug, alcohol, and crime problems. If you ask me, the faster we get them off the streets and into an institution, the better.

Before you go "reading between the lines"....you might want to read the actual study. Yes, many of them are male & violent....but there are all different kinds of cases. And to assume they are from *dysfunctional* homes, etc....that's pretty crass. What do you consider *dysfunctional*??? Because I'm a single mom with a child with a mental illness, does that make me *dysfunctional*???? I give my children as much attention & love as many homes with two parents, and in many cases more!

Before you get on a soap box, read the whole 66 page report!

I'm not sure what the answer is, I'm not taking a liberal view of "let's throw more government money on it or unfunded mandates"...what I'm saying is...there's a problem....let's figure out how to fix it and get beyond the "pointing the finger of blame". These children are part of our future.

[cherry_bomb88]

You know....when I stop laughing, I might answer you.

[cherry_bomb88]

Wonderful story

DITTOES....stories like your's keeps me going when I just want to break down crying with my daughter.

[cherry_bomb88]

Have either of you ever watched the movie "The Good Son"????

I can't imagine what I would have done in her shoes. Thank God my daughter is not like that....I love my daughters both so very much and having to chose between them, I'd rather shoot myself.

[oceanperch]

I hear ya. Everyone one the outside has there two cents but no one will take time to help.

What ticks me off is when society is against my choice to give my life to caring for my severly disabled son.

Whether physical or mental in severe cases sometimes there are no programs.

We are left to hang on our own and we do.

Often society tries to help and it's like been there tried that.

Another fact others do not know is the divorce rate is highest in families with severly disabled kids/adults.

We have found what works for us is prayer for strength and just sticking together. Smile and when talked to and keep things light.

Going without sleep is harderst. Asthma has been keeping us from getting more than two hrs. sleep on top off the usual care needs.

We have really great Drs. but a lot of times they leave the medical treatment up to me and that sucks when it is a new procedure. Usaully three to four months it becomes old hat.

My son is on a new med that works wonders at calming his uncontrolled movements (which is like being hit by a grown man) the only effect is he gets sleepy and sure enough people complain about how sedated he is. Well after 24 yrs of physically dealing with his uncontrolled movements and him injuring himself I say "hoo Yah" we have something that is working right now.

I get so F'en fed up with others and there two cents esp. when they refuse to sit with my son for five minutes or panick if I go to the restroom say at the store.

If it wasn't for the fact that my adult son thrives on socializing I would be happy living like a recluse.

I just smile nod and let him enjoy being out and about as his health does not allow him to go out everyday.

[goldilucky]

I suggest you read Bloodlines of the Illuminati by Fritz Sprinmeier where it references CIA and FBI as partly behind some of the children abduction cases and what they have been doing to some of the children behind closed doors!

God Bless!

[oceanperch]

tired=iousy spelling sorry

[goldilucky]

I truly understand what you are saying. This is a societ style of depriving parents of their right to teach and discipline their own children. The children do not belong to the State nor do they exist for the state as they do in Cuba. What has been happening is that the social workers, and other agencies have been trained with soviet style manner to deprive parents of their right to manage their children. Besides, Cuba, this is how children are handled in Russia and China. Children have no rights for they are property of the state. Check out the Russian Socialist Republic Constitution, China's Constitution, and then Cuba's Socialist Constitution. Socialism destroys the family unit.

[goldilucky]

I stopped laughing years ago when I stumbled upon what I discovered. Ever heard of Charloytte Iserbyte? She wrote a book entitled "The Deliberate Dumbing Down of America."

Maybe we should stop laughing now and open our eyes.

[beachn4fun]

Sorry I'm late in responding to this thread. I have beeen very busy, but So9 when I saw your response to this one I had to say I agree with your assessment. I think that person needs to be evaluated. Why oh why must people always think there is agovernmental conspiracy.

Cherry_Bomb, I think it is great that you are helping to solve what seems to be a major problem. I am glad that you have found someone in the government sector who is willing to help find a solution. And, I sure hope that in this database of resources, there is information for parents/caretakers on how to cope and get help for themselves. I am sure there are many people who have insurance and/or aid, but need someone to HELP them. Many people are wiling to take care of someone who is ill (physical or mental) but are not knowledgable enough to be successful or adequate. Professionals have had the proper training; most parents/siblings/adult children, etc. have not. Good luck.

[GovernmentShrinker]

I'm making the assumption re dysfunctional homes based on the fact that a disproportionate number of children who are removed from regular public school classes and put in separate special ed classes and separate special ed schools, are from inner city, welfare and substance addicted homes. Many were born with mental problems due their mother's drinking and crack-smoking during pregnancy. Many have also never had a resident father, and a revolving cast of substance abusing boyfriends doesn't provide much of a model for controlling aggression and impulsivity. Also, a single parent is much more likely to be unable to cope with a mentally ill child as he grows larger and capable of more serious violence. Obviously there are a lot of wonderful families who have children with serious mental problems, but statistically the dysfunctional segments of society produce a lot more mental illness.

[ChemistCat]

Hang in there. Mental illness may be an enormous struggle but it's absolutely amazing how well some of the medications work. Like flipping a switch, some of them. We have a schizophrenic in my church who functions beautifully on his medication. He is now married and having a happy life--without the medication he is so psychotic he has to be locked up. But he has a great life on it and he's one of the people we can always count on to be there.

[ChemistCat]

That "hang in there" would be for you too, if it's any help. It sounds like your son's problems are far more than misfiring neurons. I wish I *had* an answer but I don't.