[hobbes1]

I guess President Bush would refer to this as a French Tickler...

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[mass55th]

c'est la vie Charlemagne

Eleven thousand soldiers
lay beneath the dirt and stone,
all buried on a distant land
so far away from home.

For just a strip of dismal beach
they paid a hero's price,
to save a foreign nation
they all made the sacrifice.

And now the shores of Normandy
are lined with blocks of white
Americans who didn't turn
from someone else's plight.

Eleven thousand reasons
for the French to take our side,
but in the moment of our need,
they chose to run and hide.

Chirac said every war means loss,
perhaps for France that's true,
for they've lost every battle
since the days of Waterloo.

Without a soldier worth a damn
to be found in the region,
the French became the only land
to need a Foreign Legion.

You French all say we're arrogant.
Well hell, we've earned the right--
We saved your sorry nation
when you lacked the guts to fight.

But now you've made a big mistake,
and one that you'll regret;
you took sides with our enemies,
and that we won't forget.

It wasn't just our citizens
you spit on when you turned,
but every one of ours who fell
the day the towers burned.

You spit upon our soldiers,
on our pilots and Marines,
and now you'll get a little sense
of just what payback means.

So keep your Paris fashions
and your wine and your champagne,
and find some other market
that will buy your aeroplanes.
And try to find somebody else
to wear your French cologne,
for you're about to find out
what it means to stand alone.

You see, you need us far more
than we ever needed you.
America has better friends
who know how to be true.

I'd rather stand with warriors
who have the will and might,
than huddle in the dark with those
whose only flag is white.

I'll take the Brits, the Aussies,
the Israelis and the rest,
for when it comes to valor
we have seen that they're the best.

We'll count on one another
as we face a moment dire,
while you sit on the sideline
with a sign "friendship for hire."

We'll win this war without you
and we'll total up the cost,
and take it from your foreign aid,
and then you'll feel the loss.

And when your nation starts to fall,
well Frenchie, you can spare us,
just call the Germans for a hand,
they know the way to Paris.

[Grampa Dave]

What was said on the phone call.

[GalaxieFiveHundred]

Maybe some sort of goofy French Easter greeting.

[NautiNurse]

Jacque lost his playmate Saddam. He's looking for someone else to share the sandbox. Fortunately, we have an adult in charge here.

[Redcloak]

"Allo, zees ees Jacques Chirac calling from France. Ah would laak to speek to zee Prezeedent Boosh, s'il vous plaît."

"May I ask who's calling?"

"Zees is Prezeedent Jacques Chirac of France."

"Please hold..."

.
.
.

"May I ask who's calling?"

"Ah alreadee told you. Jacques Chirac."

"And where are you calling from Mr. Shirk?"

"Eet ees 'Chirac' and ah am calling from France."

"Please hold..."

"WAIT!... Great, she put me on hold again..."

.
.
.

"Mr. Shirk, what is this in regard to?"

"Mah name ees 'Chirac' and zees ees about Iraq."

"A Mr. Irac? Is this a relative of yours? Perhaps you should call INS instead of the White House. They may be in a better position to answer your immigration questions."

"No, no, no... Iraq. Ah am calling about Iraq."

"Oh... Iraq."

"Yes, Iraq."

"Please hold..."

"WAIT!!"

.
.
.

"Please remain on the line. Your call is very important to us."

.
.
.


"Mr. Irac? The-

"CHIRAC!"

"Mr. Chirac, the President is very busy right now. Would you like to hold?"

"Ah have been holding for an hour!"

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to understand; we're rather busy here at the moment."

"What could be more important than another head of state calling?!?"

"We're sort of in the middle of a little war at the moment..."

"Zat ees what ah'm calling about."

"If you would just hold for a few more minutes..."

"Just a few minutes?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, the war's almost over."

"WHAT?!? How can zees be??"

"I'm just a secretary, sir. I don't really understand these things. But the President did say something about it going much quicker 'without the accordion player', whatever that means."

"Oh... Ah'll hold."

[cynicom]

Hope Bush had his phone sanitized after the call.

[rs79bm]

Chirac, apparently signaling a desire to repair frayed France-U.S. relations, told Bush during the telephone call that France is prepared to adopt a "pragmatic approach" to the postwar situation in Iraq.

If I was Bush, I would have told him to f*** ***.

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[One More Time]

I have been kicking this idea around for a while and thought I would share it. I have no intention of defending it but I would offer it for discussion and I will return to read comments but I may not respond.

It was obvious to everyone including the French that the only possible outcome would be the removal of Saddam from power. The French could have one of two motives for opposing us. They hope to appear to be the leader of the opposition or they really wanted Saddam killed and removed through an exercise of Western military power. Suppose it appeared that Saddam was about to capitulate and go onto exile then the French opposition could make it appear to Saddam that he might have a chance to survive if he just held out. His only hope would be to appear to be the victim and that America would back off when the battle again looked like a slaughter as it had in 1991. If Saddam had gone into exile it would have been impossible for us to justify a war with Iraq. The French like the U.S. wanted a demonstration of military power in the middle east as a deterrent against Islamic terrorists and they played their part to insure that Saddam would hold out and allow a war.

I don’t believe the French were in on the game but their history of backstabbing and underhanded conniving would lend itself to such a manipulative strategy.

[Beck_isright]

Chirac: Bonjour Georges, how is D.C. zis time of year"

W: What the hell do you want?

Chirac: I just wanted to say 'allo' and zee if you are readee to azk forgiveness and kiss and make up for your cowboy ways.

W: Forgiveness for what? For doing what I say and not being a lying cheese eating surrender monkey like you?

Chirac: Wat iz zis cheeze eating surrender monkee? Vee are peazeful peeple. Azk ze germans.

W: Didn't you get my email telling you to 'go to hell'???

Chirac: Zay non! We just want your taxpayer dollars to keep our socialist party in power long enough to get the communist party more votes! What is wrong with that monsieur?

W: Dial tone.

Chirac: 'Allo, allo, allo'? Damn phone company, zey must be on strike again.

[Media Insurgent]

I'd like to hear a tape of Bush making a "Crank Yankers" or "Jerky Boyz" style call to Chirac.

[Happy2BMe]

Chirac to BUSH: We DEMAND a piece of the pie!!

BUSH to Chirac: UP your French-whore ARSE!

[kidd]

BUSH: (dialing) Hey Jacques, guess who this is?

CHIRAQ: I give up.

BUSH: (snickers) Well, of course you do - you're French! (hangs up, Powell and Rumfield laughing in background)

Newspapers the next day: PARIS - French President Jacques Chirac and President Bush spoke by telephone for the first time in more than two months Tuesday, in a possible sign of warming ties after their bitter dispute over war in Iraq.

[azhenfud]

President Bush attempted to speak with french President Jacques Chirac, but there was nobody home....

[weegee]

Chirac likes to talk on the phone...

Jerry Rigged: A Jerry Lewis hoax fools French President Chirac.

[witnesstothefall]

in a possible sign of warming...

More likely a sign that France should tread carefully vis a vis Syria. But Chirac is stubborn. He always picks the loser.

[Henchman]

The BOYCOTT is working! The little frogg pigs are oui ouiing! Let's not quit until they go belly up - no concessions - no quarter

[swheats]

Let's see, Chirac calls Bush, Shroeder meets with Blair today, is it safe to say that Putin has a date with Spain's president Jose Maria Aznar trying to make nice?