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A Typical Saddam AD&D Session

Saddam: "Okay, you leave the prison complex and turn the corner down the secret passage. You come to a high arched hallway. There's a flickering light at the end of the hall."

Khuse: "Aziz, go check it out."

Aziz: "I don't know...alone?"

Khuse: "I take my sword out and point it at Aziz, Saddam. Aziz, I said to check it out."

Aziz: "Okay, I start creeping down the hall, moving silently."

Saddam (rolls dice): "Okay, you make it to the end of the hall. There's a 20x20 octagonal room." (pauses) "The best way to decribe it is it looks kinda like the prison room under my house on Saladin Street. There are two women chained to the wall."

Uday: "We rush down the hall!"

Saddam: "Shut up, you're not there. Only Aziz is there."

Uday: "Get back here Aziz, or I'll kill you!"

Saddam: "I said, you're not there. You can't tell him what to do."

Aziz: "I head back to the group and tell them what I found."

Uday: "We rush down the hall!"

Saddam: "Okay. You rush down the hall. You find two Anglo women chained to the wall."

Uday: "Are they pretty?"

Saddam (rolls dice): "They're *gorgeous*, the most beautiful women you've ever seen."

Uday: "I rape them!"

Saddam: "Both of them?"

Khuse: "I want one!"

Aziz: "What about me?"

Uday and Khuse: "SHUT UP!"

Saddam: "Okay, Uday Khuse each rape one of the women." (rolls dice) "While you were doing that, however, two umber hulks come into the room. Remember, you're both not wearing armor, since you had to take it off to rape them."

Uday: "I throw Aziz at them and run!"

(yes, I know, I'm a rabid D&D player. Sue me.)