Posted on 04/08/2003 9:00:23 PM PDT by rocke031
THE BEST OF 'COMICAL ALI'
Dubbed Chemical Ali by some British newspapers, the Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf has become a cult figure for his colourful language and wild claims.
With a grinning face and wild gesticulations, he is the man charged with giving the Iraqi side of the story.
Here are a selection of some of his quotes:
"We will push those crooks, those mercenaries back into the swamp" - Al-Sahhaf makes his debut as the Coalition launches its first bombing raids.
On an air attack on Najaf: "What they say about a breakthrough [in Najaf] is completely an illusion. They are sending their warplanes to fly very low in order to have vibrations on these sacred places . . . they are trying to crack the buildings by flying low over them."
Al-Sahhaf accuses the Allies of booby-trapping pencils: "The authority of the civil defence ... issued a warning to the civilian population not to pick up any of those pencils because they are booby traps," he said. He added that British and American forces were "immoral mercenaries" and "war criminals".
He continued: "I am not talking about the American people and the British people. I am talking about those mercenaries. ... They have started throwing those pencils, but they are not pencils, they are booby traps to kill the children."
'A despicable creature'
At one point in the campaign, Al-Sahaf said the Iraqis had "shot down a lot of those cruise missiles" and said the war's impact was "trivial."
"I can assure you that those villains will recognize, will discover in appropriate time in the future how stupid they are and how they are pretending things which have never taken place," he added.
On US Secretary of Defence Donald Rumsfeld: A "crook" and "the most despicable creature."
On footage from several media outlets showing American troops defeating Republican Guard units on the outskirts of Baghdad: "These images are not the suburbs of Baghdad. From what I glimpsed, these gardens with rows of palm trees on the side, which you saw in the images, are located in the south of Abu Ghreib, where we have surrounded the Americans and British."
After the Americans seized Saddam Airport and TV cameras were allowed in, al-Sahhaf continued to deny the reports: "We butchered the force present at the airport," he said.
'We are destroying them'
Al-Sahhaf perhaps saved his best performance for the moment American tanks rolled into Baghdad.
"There is no presence of American infidels in the city of Baghdad," he declared to journalists on the roof of the Palestine Hotel as gunfire echoed across the city and tanks fired from the banks of the Tigris.
As bemused journalists quizzed him on fierce firefight across the river, he continued: "There is no presence of the American columns in the city of Baghdad at all. We besieged them and we killed most of them"
"Today, the tide has turned,'' he continued confidently. "We are destroying them."
And after an American tank shell hit the hotel, killing two cameramen, he moved to reassure the world's press corps. "We are not afraid," he proclaimed, adding paternally "And don't you be afraid".
Asked on Tuesday whether Iraqi soldiers should surrender, he said: "They are going to surrender or be burned in their tanks. They will surrender, it is they who will surrender."
If so, I wonder what they'd charge for it.
Wow! It's a good thing that my examiner didn't do the dreaded "drop the pencil" trick in the plane during my private pilot checkride! He coulda blown us out of the sky! Whew!
Bad boy!
Oh, yeah - hell, if I had a nickel for every time I've accidentally grabbed one of these...
...when I was looking for something to write with...
Well, I guess it's an easy mistake to make when you're as dumb as Cynthia.
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