Safire: A Fly on the Wall

The New York Times ^ | 04/07/03 | William Safire

[Pokey78]

U.S. satellite surveillance is so sophisticated it can now provide transcripts of high-level meetings before they are held. Here is what Prime Minister Tony Blair and President Bush are likely to say at today's Belfast summit:

Bush: Your brave troops were fantastic at Basra.

Blair: I'll pass that on. Great turn of phrase — "The power to be patient." That's what your chaps are wisely emulating in Baghdad. Water is the problem.

Bush: And that war plan that those retired brass hats on TV thought was so risky looks pretty good now. The media "misunderestimated" us again.

Blair: Memorable locution. Now the first thing we want to do after the war ——

Bush: Hold on. When you came to Camp David a couple of weeks ago, your polls were in the tank. So I went along with that "road map" to lean on Sharon in Israel.

Blair: Evenhandedness will redound to America's benefit in world opinion as well. Now about postwar Iraq ——

Bush: You really think we ought to turn it over to Chirac, Schröder and Putin?

Blair: You know I don't, George. But I will tell you I'm firmly of the belief that the United Nations must have a pre-eminent role in post-Saddam Iraq.

Bush: What do you mean, "pre-eminent"?

Blair: Foremost, central, predominant ——

Bush: Not on my watch. You and Colin dragged me to the Security Council and six months of getting jerked around. Now, with all the British and American lives lost and treasure spent, you want those foot-dragging bureaucrats to come in and run things?

Blair: I am the bridge between you and the three nations that presume to speak for all of Europe. If I can get you to turn peacekeeping in Iraq over to the U.N., I'll be able to mediate between the U.S. and Europe for the rest of both of our days in office. You need it.

Bush: What I need is to knock down the notion that America is against the Arabs or Islam. My mission is to show that our war of liberation not only makes the world more secure, but also results in a better life for the Iraqi people. That's a responsibility that you and I assumed when the U.N. wouldn't.

Blair: But the U.N. confers legitimacy ——

Bush: The U.N. does projects. Distributing food, health programs, coordinating charitable contributions from a lot of nations, all that. And if you want to be the bridge to making that happen, I'm all for you getting full credit with Vladimir and all of 'em. Start laying those pontoons.

Blair: But the reconstruction of a nation is a huge task, even for a superpower. To police the despicable detritus of Saddam's regime, to build a platform for a parliamentary system ——

Bush: That's the job for a coalition of the liberators who know how democracy and free enterprise work. And we won't be alone. Japan is ready to help. South Korea, now that Rummy threatened to pull out our troops, is suddenly eager to pitch in. And India, biggest democracy of all, with all those Muslims ——

Blair: Hindus, mainly.

Bush: But with a billion people, plenty of Muslims, good constabulary, educated, smart at business — hell, half of America's financial backrooms are run out of India. We'll put together a coalition that will turn Iraq around while you and I are still in office.

Blair: You're an incurable optimist, George. I fear we'll be seen and hated as occupiers unless we put a government of Iraqis in place quickly.

Bush: We're not in the anointing business. That's why I said no to a provisional government. We'll start with Iraqi advisers, let the factions work out their leaders, make sure no dictator grabs power, help set up a justice system. And we'll show them how to get much more oil out of the ground and make sure royalties go into transparent government accounts. No skimming. Then we're out of there.

Blair: Churchill did say "In war, resolution. . . . In victory, magnanimity. . . ."

Bush: And "In peace, good will." (At Blair's aghast expression) Condi briefed me on that one. 

[Cicero]

I hope Safire's satellite is getting an accurate report. Tony Blair needs a good bracing up on this issue.

[Texas Eagle]

Great satire!

I would like to have heard the conversation between President Bush and Ted Kennedy when Kennedy said he wanted to write the education bill.

Uhhhhhhh.....wait a minute.

[LibertyAndJusticeForAll]

ping!

[goldstategop]

Actually, I think that's pretty much what the President will tell Tony Blair when he meets the Prime Minister in Northern Ireland. The latter can forget about a role for the Axis Of Weasels in a post-war Iraq. There are plenty of countries who will help us willingly with the job at hand and we'll lose the peace if we turn the country over to the UN. Tony can either sign up or bow out since one way or another we're going to run the show. Oh I think he'll agree to pitch in even without Clare Short's attempts to gum up the works.

[Texas Eagle]

I hope you and William Safire are right.

You don't know how much I hope you are right.

Please, God, let these people be right.

[tubebender]

BUMP...

[Zack Nguyen]

Though its off topic, Kennedy might as well have written the education bill. It was an awful bill.

Bush would be right to keep the UN at the most minimal role possible. Bush did Blair (and Powell) a favor by playing paddy-cake with the UN for months. The UN proved themselves once again to be an utterly worthless institution. I hope Safire's thesis is correct.

[1066AD]

I would like to have heard the conversation between President Bush and Ted Kennedy

Even better would be to have heard whatever FDR said to Joe Kennedy prior to WW2 when JK was US Ambassador to London, whatever it was he sure shut him up !

[Texas Eagle]

That's my whole point. President Bush allowed Ted Kennedy to write the education bill and STILL the underwater senator criticizes President Bush.

The same thing will happen if President Bush allows the UN to play a role in reconstructing Iraq. They will screw the whole thing up and blame it on President Bush.

[Zack Nguyen]

Your points are well taken, and you are correct. My new pet peeve is folks on our side attempting to reach "unity" with those that share no fundamental principles with us, and indeed despise us openly. There is no point in it. Why not acknowledge our differences and simply beat the other side? Instead we waste time with "bipartisanship" and "finding comon ground" when there is none, which gives us Senators like Susan Collins and Olympia Snowe, who won't even vote against partial-birth abortion.

[Brian Allen]

<< I hope Safire's satellite is getting an accurate report. Tony Blair needs a good bracing up on this issue. >>

Safire is being way too kind.

President Bush wants another Japan -- not another Kosovar. The American Military Government of Iraq will be American.

And Blair will in any case be far too busy, back on more familiar territory.

Busying himself with such familiar tasks as stealing from the productive to feed the bureaucrats who enslave doctors, appeasing the ira's murderers -- and surrendering the remaining shreds of once great Britain's sovereignty to the EURO-peons' Neo-Soviet.

[Brian Allen]

<< Tony can either sign up or bow out since one way or another we're going to run the show. >>

Spot on.

Whether TBlair "signs up" or does not will not change the program by one crossed "t" nor by one dotted "i."

[AM2000]

That's the job for a coalition of the liberators who know how democracy and free enterprise work. And we won't be alone. Japan is ready to help.... And India, biggest democracy of all, with all those Muslims —— ... with a billion people, plenty of Muslims, good constabulary, educated, smart at business ... We'll put together a coalition that will turn Iraq around while you and I are still in office.

Does Safire realize that India is not a member of the coalition of the willing? India has been a Russian lackey in this whole affair, all they've done is mouth off on how immoral this war is and how unjust it is on our part to actually enforce our own ceasefire agreement.

Or maybe Safire knows something I do not?

[AM2000]

ping

[Brian Allen]

<< Your points are well taken, and you are correct. My new pet peeve is folks on our side attempting to reach "unity" with those that share no fundamental principles with us, and indeed despise us openly. >>

Now apply your remarks to the Iraq/Terrorist War situation and you will begin to have a picture of how President Bush and those with most influence in his Administration view the chances of Blair and his fellow collectivists [Who, to a man, "share no fundamental principles with us, and indeed despise us openly"] insofar as their participation in Iraq's immediate future is concerned.

[Tamzee]

Another point...

The UN showed how much it cared about the Iraqi citizens in its administration and greed in the food for oil program. It is not above helping to oppress people themselves when it serves the UN's own interest....no different than a dictator.

[Zack Nguyen]

I thta Bush has the gumption to do what is right. The UN will only screw things up. We must remain in control to make sure it is done right.

Blair is a brave man, and I respect him. But in the end, he is a leftist, and leftists place faith in unelected "international institutions" over and above sovereign countries.

[js1138]

Something not mentioned here, but nevertheless important, is the disarming of Iraq. I believe it will take at least six months to dig out all the secret hiding places, probably more like years. By the time we declare Iraq safe for the UN, they could have an elected government.

[Brian Allen]

<< Blair .... in the end, .. is a leftist -- and leftists place faith in unelected "international institutions" over and above sovereign countries. >>

And WAY over the Principle of Individual Liberty upon which Our Beloved FRaternal Republic is Founded, upon which we Stand -- and which ensures that Ours is the Greatest Nation in the History of The Human Species!