BAGHDAD -- Widespread rumors that Iraqi madman Saddam Hussein has signed a sinister pact with the Devil appear to have been confirmed -- when a photograph surfaced showing the brutal dictator shaking hands with a horned figure with flaming-red skin!
The bizarre photo was purportedly taken in late October by a former Hussein henchman, Lt. Col. Ali Mazhar, who defected to Kuwait and passed the picture on to the CIA. Chillingly, Lt. Col. Mazhar claims that in the contract, Satan guarantees "complete and total victory over the United States."
While Iraq's scientists have been working overtime to develop nuclear warheads and chemical weapons, Saddam's corps of demonologists has labored just as feverishly to raise evil spirits, the CIA analyst reveals. "Over the summer they claim to have summoned up dozens of the ancient Mesopotamian demons, including Huwawa and Lamastu," he says. "According to some accounts we've received, the rituals involved in raising these demonic spirits were stomach-turning. We know of at least 114 captured Kurdish rebels who were used in human sacrifices. "It would have been surprising if Saddam didn't try to raise Satan."
Lt. Col. Mazhar claims the Iraqis did just that on October 31, using a sophisticated version of a Ouija board. The defector says the macabre figure "materialized" in the presidential palace and asked to see Saddam.