I have read and heard alot along the lines of what you are saying, and I believe you :-)
I have also had opportunity to hear things from people who analyze the data from studies like that and from medical trials. One of the oddest tidbits I have heard involved the effects of selection on paternity testing. Specifically, when the reason for dna analysis has nothing at all to do with paternity, the rate of discovered illegitimacy is much higher than when the data is gathered specifically to test paternity. The obvious inference being that such tests are somehow more often avoided when there is some doubt in mom's mind about paternity.
The person who related this to me also mentioned in particular a very broad study over several years on tissue compatibility tests for bone transplant. In more than 70% of children whose parents were married at the time of conception, the married guy was NOT the dad. This study was in southern california, and non-white hispanics were disproportionately represented, so maybe maybe that's not a slice of american family pie, but it is certainly food for thought.
Along the lines of the cheater's advantage ... I have read many times that sexual arousal and fertility were correlated, in that any given woman will get pregnant easier when she is more aroused.
So if cheating is what thrills her then the "other guy" will always have that advantage, since you can't cheat with your husband, only on him.