You forgot the "MUAHAHAHAHA!"
ABACHA'S FAMILY ESTATE. HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL.
ATTENTION,
It is with heartfelt hope that I write to seek your co-operation and assistance in the context stated below:
May I first introduce my self as Dr. Mrs. Mariam Abacha, the wife of Late General Sani Abacha (former military head of state and president of the Federal Republic of Nigeria) who died suddenly on 8th June 1998. The sum of (US$18,753,000.00) Eighteen Million Seven Hundred and Fifty Three Thousand United States Dollars secretly willed in my favour by the late general (my husband).
This money is kept in a trust account with a Security Company here in (LOME REP OF TOGO). As it is equally required, the administration of my late husband's property is under the authority of out family attorney. however, the current civilian administration of retired General Olusegun Obasanjo (the president of the Federal Republic of Nigeria) is seeking vengeance on the Abacha family because of the life prison jail sentence confirmed on him by my late husband.
In pursuit of this vendetta, the present government have resolved to freeze all known assets of General Sani Abacha, including properties at home and abroad and are presently embarking on to seize the various bank accounts of my husband.
In fact, the attack on our family (The Abacha's) is so devastated to an extent of seizing our traveling passport, family accounts and even trying some members of our family in court for offences allegedly committed by my late husband. In view of this grievous threat to our Economic and personal survival, our family trustee have secretly protected the will, but seriously advised me to move (US$18,753,000.00) Eighteen Million Seven Hundred and Fifty Three Thousand United States Dollars into an overseas account, hence the reason why I have chosen you and hope that you will come to my full assistance and unlimited co-operation.
In the meantime, there is a traveling embargo on us (the whole family members) and our local accounts are Seized. We are currently living on goodwill of people Who believe we cannot be held responsible for the Sins of my late husband. In view of this plight, I Expect you to be trustworthy and kind enough to respond to this distressed call to save me and my children from a hopeless future.
And if you agree I will compensate you sincerely and can did effort in this regard with 25% of the total amount of (US$18,753,000.00) Eighteen Million Seven Hundred and Fifty Three Thousand United States Dollars. In that case, when the money is moved into your discrete account, you will be allowed to draw 25% in your favour, while the remaining 75% will be invested meaningfully for my children's future. Our family attorney has perfected arrangements with the Security Company concerned and has assured 100% risk free and safe operation.
I look forward to your quick response while thanking you for your co-operation. In view of all above details, I request you to keep this letter and operation highly confidential. Please remember to include your private Telephone and Fax numbers for easy communication.
With my best wishes,
Dr. Mrs. Mariam Abacha
And here is my reply to Dr. Mrs. Mariam Abacha:
Hi Mariam---I am sorry to hear about your problems. Since your husband was the former military head of state and president of Nigeria, I bet you are very attractive.
Anyway, I am currently living in the Cayman Islands. My bank accounts are all secret. However, since I have a rather lucrative cash business with my Columbian business partner, Mr. Marco Traficante, I have sufficient funds to help you out.
Since it sounds like the Nigerian government is using your children to hold you hostage in Nigeria, I think it would be easy for you to slip across the border by yourself without them (you can retrieve them after you get out of Nigeria). I wish send you $400,000 living expenses when you escape from Nigeria until you can obtain your money in Togo. This would be a very good investment since I would be getting 25% of the investment in Togo. If you like, you can live here in the Cayman Islands at my beach house. Since my home is very large, you will have a lot of privacy.
So what activities do you enjoy doing Mariam? I like romantic moonlight walks along the beach. Please send me your photo.---P.J.