Send out the carrier USS Wolverine to get that Iraqi sub...
Posted on 02/19/2003 11:50:03 AM PST by Dutch14
DETROIT, Mich. -- Fiendish Iraqi terrorists are lurking beneath Lake Michigan in one or more mini-submarines, poised to launch a deadly attack on America, a military insider warns.
"We know they're down there but we don't know exactly where," claims the U.S. Navy source, who spoke on the condition of anonymity.
"That lake is larger than the entire state of Israel and the sub is quite small, making it extremely difficult to detect on sonar.
"But the frightening thing is that between natural waterways, underground rivers and man-made canals, Lake Michigan is linked to all the other Great Lakes -- it's all one big water system.
"That puts the terrorists in a perfect position to launch an amphibious sneak attack on any one of at least six states, including Minnesota, Wisconsin, Ohio, Illinois, Pennsylvania and New York.
"And if they access the Erie Canal, that would take them to the Hudson River and enable them to strike at New York City."
The subs that have been spotted so far are similar in design to Japanese mini-subs which can carry up to six passengers and stay submerged for days at a time.
Authorities have intercepted transmissions that seem to be coming from the mini-subs, with voices speaking in Arabic. Translators have interpreted the voices saying, "The Iron Fish are ready to bite."
The Bush administration is keeping the crisis under wraps to avoid nationwide panic, the source claims.
"The White House is weighing its options because, at this point, they're not sure how many subs might be down there. There could be dozens of these things," notes the Navy man. "If we start carpet-bombing the Great Lakes with depth charges -- which is what it may take to get these SOBs -- people may feel the war has come to their own back yards."
The spokesman stressed that these subs are too small to carry nuclear weapons, but added, "They could still be smuggling in nuclear materials to manufacture weapons of mass destruction right here in the U.S."
Navy SEALS have been searching Lake Michigan, but they've found no sign of any mini-subs so far. But civilian sightings of the subs have continued at an alarming rate.
"I was fishing off my boat early one morning," one local fisherman says, "and I hooked something so big,
I thought maybe I had caught the Lake Michigan monster. I tried to reel it in, but then I saw a periscope come up. You can't even begin to imagine my surprise when I found out I'd hooked a mini-sub."
The fisherman dropped his rod in the water and raced back to shore as fast as his boat would carry him.
"I'm lucky I got out of there alive," he says. "That thing could've blown my boat to smithereens."
One witness claims to have seen a mini-sub on the Michigan side of the lake at the exact same time his friend on the Wisconsin side saw a different one.
"That means there could be hundreds of terrorists, hiding beneath our lakes, just waiting to launch an attack on our shores," one insider says.
It is not known how the Iraqis transported the sub into Lake Michigan. "They could've built it right in Michigan, or they may have built it outside the country and sailed it in. God knows there are enough raw materials in Detroit to build a fleet of mini-subs."
The sub's stealth capabilities and the murky depths of the 925-foot-deep, 307-mile-long Lake Michigan have made it extremely difficult to locate.
One expert notes, "We don't know exactly what those terrorists are doing in our lakes but one thing we do know is that they're not out joy-riding, and they're not offering to take people out for submarine rides."
The expert ends with an ominous warning: "If we don't do something about those subs soon, we'll be in big trouble."
Swimming.... Swimming..... "Nothing to report here, sir!".... Swimming.....
The fisherman dropped his rod in the water and raced back to shore as fast as his boat would carry him.
I have this mental picture of a Warner Brothers cartoon.....
The big worry is the threat to cheese factories up and down the shores of Lake Michigan. Now that formal relations with France have collapsed, our only source will be Wisconsin. Venezualan Beaver cheese is being smuggled in thru Mexico, but this threat to Cheddar cannot go unanswered! We must open up the untapped ANCR (Artic North Cheese Reserve) and start milking elk and cariboo... Mr. McCheese is counting on us...
Send out the carrier USS Wolverine to get that Iraqi sub...
You mean Mayor McCheese didn't get re-elected?
UP PERISCOPE!
Send out the carrier USS Wolverine to get that Iraqi sub...
Holy crap .... we actually built an aircraft carrier on the Great Lakes ??
Not to mention the threat to the Moose population around Lake Superior. THIS IS SERIES!!!
Yep, and they were crucial in WWII naval aviatior training. The USS Wolverine will get that d@mn Iraqi sub for sure!
Aug. 12, 1942 - USS Wolverine (IX 64) commissioned at Buffalo, N.Y., Cmdr. G. R. Fairlamb, commanding. Wolverine and USS Sable (IX 81), commissioned May 1943, were Great Lakes excursion ships converted for aviation training . Sailing Lake Michigan, they provided flight decks on which hundreds of student aviators qualified for carrier landings and many flight deck crews received their first practical experience in handling aircraft aboard ship.
Ref: http://www.chinfo.navy.mil/navpalib/ships/carriers/cv-hist2.html
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.