Posted on 02/07/2003 1:56:10 AM PST by spetznaz
Glorious History of the Royal Canadian Mounted Spetsnaz
The amazing history of the heroic founders and lineage holders of the Royal Canadian Mounted Spetsnaz. Warning: If you read this you might begin to worship these larger-than-life heros as gods. This is acceptable.
1917
It was the cold winter of 1917 in Northern Russia. A small band of Cossack soldiers were left to protect a secret store of vodka. Having helped themselves to an ample supply of the warming beverage this brave band of men became disoriented under white-out conditions. One of the Cossack commanders, claiming to have seen a troupe of circus midgets taunting him in the distance, led a charge northward into the blizzard.
Alas, the brave heros found no such circus midgets and quickly became lost in the arctic circle. many of the men perished and were eaten, thier skin worn as clothing.
The survivors eventually crossing the arctic circle into Canada where they set up camp in the wilderness.
The remaining men found their new home inhospitable as a plentiful supply of vodka was nowhere to be found, and yet they carried on.
They learned to live off the land and survive on the local "beer", and inferior substitute for vodka. In the mean time they honed their martial skills by observing the animals around them- the squirrel, the newt, the moose, the bear, and of course, the sasquatch.
The long, cold Canadian nights being what they were, and given the fact that this band of worshipful heros was all men, these adventurers turned to the closest humanoids to help continue their glorious bloodline. Many of the men mated with, married, and were welcomed into sasquatch families. The resulting superior offspring are the ancestors of todays Royal Canadian Mounted Spetsnaz.
The mixing of the species has provided with some natural genetic advantages. The sasquatch superior strength, hiding abilities, and ability to propel feces at extremely high velocities combined with the humans ability for language, and toolmaking - make the RCMS a superhuman band of heros.
1944
With the start of World War II, Canada was looking to overcome its image as a country of disgusting pacifists. Naturally they looked to our glorious ancestors for help. The Royal Canadian Mounted Spetsnaz was formed as the most elite and deadly special forces unit ever produced by North America. A band of 6 of these unarmed soldiers layed waste to the German city of Heidelberg with bare hands alone. One of the brave band punched a hole in the wall of Heidelburgh castle to capture the world's largest wine cask, an important strategic blow to Axis powers.
Today
Today the RCMS spend all their time in meditation, honing their martial skills, and beating the out of wusses who deserve it. They have since relocated to an undisclosed Slavic country where they are more free to practice their finely honed art. But if you can find them, and you have enough alcohol, you might just be able to learn some of the secrets of the Royal Canadian Mounted Spetsnaz.
(Picture not yet available .....awaiting declassification)
The above link (www.royalcanadianmountedspetsnaz.com) came from a much larger website called Bullshido.com (http://www.bullshido.us) that basically shows all this so called martial arts that are really just a waste of cash.
At least the above (Royal mounted spetsnaz) was a joke ....but sadly the rest listed in the website are not ....ranging from styles like ZuJitsu (zujitsu is, allegedly, African Zulu tribe jujitsu) and Magic-Fu to more traditional styles like Karate and TaeKwonDo that are basically crap!
And to those who have taken TKD and Karate and think they are the greatest thing since sliced bread just know i had taken Shotokan Karate for a long time before i switched to real combative styles (i will explain the concept in a moment) and traditional martial arts are just nice if you want to show off flowery kicks.
Real combative styles include such as Jeet kune do, Krav maga, combat sambo and muay thai (i have taken Jeet kune do and Krav maga). Those are styles meant for actual combat not wearing silly colored belts and making funny sounds in your larynx!
Karate and Taekwondo are only effective if you are facing a person who is not that skilled. However if you meet anyone who is skilled then your @$$ is grass (woe unto you if you face a grappler like a brazilian jujitsu fella, or if you face a stand-up fighter like a jeet kune do specialist).
When i first went to college i met this dude who was punching some bag in the hallway, and who claimed he used to be in the army, and was training in something called 'American karate' (the moment i heard that i started chuckling really hard). I asked him what was his impetus for punching the poor bag every evening (he had been doing that with unabated dedication) and the dude told me he was training to participate in some no-holds barred competition.
Well, i politely asked the guy if i could watch him train, and he obviously (trying to show off) said yep! He even offered to 'spar' (again i chuckled since in Jeetkunedo and kravM there is no 'sparring' just real-life full-speed hits) against me. Since he was much bigger , and heavier, than i was (he was 6'3 and quite heavy set while i was 5'11 and rather feminine looking ...which seems to work with the ladies but does not make me look very combat capable LOL) he probably thought he could lick me in a jiffy! I decided to indulge the fella, and basically mopped the floor with him (he was complaining that i was using 'unfair moves' like moving too fast and striking repeatedly).
That guy was basically pathetic, and all his belts did not enable him to even land one baby-punch or one sissy-kick (anyways i have seen in the US 8 yr olds literally having black belts ...literally). I guess the dude must have got his belt in the 6th grade!
Last i heard the dude had gone back to active service and being sent to Okinawa, and that he planned to enter some no-hold's barred contest there. Which in my opinion is not wise because even though the premier style in Okinawa is karate Okinawans do not hand out black belts unless someone deserves it. Hence dude will not be facing folks who got belts before they hit puberty but seasoned oafs who have calluses the size of texas and no sense of humor!
And to think the poor fella got married some months before he shipped off! If he could not even hit me with a single punch how does he intend to compete with 250 pound fellas who have been kicking tree-trunks since they could stand and have extremely sour personalities! And he will engage them in a no-holds barred match ....unregulated and unsupervised ....and against people who do not know what 'sparring' and 'gentlemanly behavior' is! Unless in Okinawan no-holds barred fights they allow M-16A2s that guy will be messed up (deaths only happen in movies ....but broken ribs from a vale tudo kick or a hyper-extended knee and some torn ligaments from a sambo lock or a mangled nose from a thai facial elbow strike are quite common). He will get a personal intro to the school of hard knocks!
Royal Canadian Mounted Spetznaz martial art (not real, obviosuly, but quite funny)
I concur with your comments regarding TKD. After several years of study, I was within 6 mos. of taking my black belt test when the school closed. I have wanted to pick up MA again but so far I haven't had the time.
When I do get back into MA, I won't bother with TKD and Karate, for the reasons you stated above. What's your opinion on the best all-around self-defense MA? I am familiar with Krav Maga but from what little I know about it, it looks like you could easily go lethal with some of the more popular moves (for example, strikes to the throat). In most states, unless you can prove that your life is in imminent danger, you cannot use lethal force against an opponent. Going up against an unarmed guy in a bar, you having been trained in a lethal form of self-defense, could get you some hard time under alot of state laws.
JKD looks interesting but doesn't it take alot of study to become more dangerous to the other person than to yourself?
I would be interested in your comments on this subject.
Just don't strike there. KM basically teaches you to hit whatever is open, and rarely requires hitting a particular target in a given situation. If you can hit someone in the throat you should also have no problem hitting them in the chin or nose, preferably with the heel of your hand.
You may be able to find KM instructional tapes at your local library, and there is a good forum at kravmaga.com
And if you look at the early UFC matches grapplers virtually won everything ....it was only later that stand-up fighters started learning the guard position, and with just that one move they proceded to whoop the @$$e$ of grapplers.
In a real life situation going to the ground when you are facing 2 people means you will be trying to put a naked-choke on one ....but the other is standing behind you kicking your @$$. There is one story about two of the Gracie brothers (the best exponents of Brazilian jujitsu) who got into a street fight and got their butts handed to them. Going to the ground is nice if you are facing one person.
I myself was in some street fights back 'home' and in all of them but one i managed to take care of things standing up. And it was always against TKD folks so it was prety simple. The one exception was against this dude who managed to take me to the ground, but i knew some basic judo (i have concentrated on Jeetkunedo, kravmaga and did Shotokan ....but i have some basic knowledge of arnis and judo). That basic judo i had learned was enough to enable me to get into the guard position (he wasmuch stronger than i was and using brute force), wrap my legs around his neck, and basically choke him while lying on my back.
My personal thoughts is that the best thing to do is to know stand-up fighting (for real life), but at the same time know sufficient ground-work because there is a chance you may go to the ground.
Concentrating on just ground stuff (Braz. jujutsu, Japanese Jujitsu, Judo etc) can be a tad bit detrimental to your physical wellbeing if you face 2 people. However knowing them will enable you to take care of any ground situations (with my basic judo stuff i managed to basically toy with the dude even though he was by far stronger and heftier than i was ....and as i mentioned before i am not a paragon of the Mr. Universe contest). However knowing a couple of joint locks and chokes was sufficient.
As for the stand-up arts i would say Krav maga and jeet kune do are the best i personally have experienced. The only problem (as someone mentioned) is that the stuff taught can get you in legal trouble. Actually the reason i took some judo was because i knew if i went out with some friends and they started fighting i could not do anything with krav maga to stop the fight (pushing a pal's nasal bone into their cranium is not a good thing). As in Krav maga is good for a brawl ...but what if your drunk friend rushes your other drunk friend!
As for the traditional martial arts (TKD, Karate, gungfu) they are nice .....if you advance far enough and are mature enough to know that trying an ax kick on the street will get you hurt! Their problem is that they spend so much time on flowery stuff that looks nice in the Dojo (or Dojang) but on the street has zero efficacy!
Compare for example Muay Thai and Tae Kwon Do. Both are kicking styles known for great kick attacks ....but match a Muay Thai guy against a TKD person of the same skill and i can bet everytime the TKD guy will lose (and lose big). The thing is Muay Thai is by far more realistic than TKD, their kicks are meant to hurt (for what i mean compare a Muay Thai match ....which is full contact with teeth and blood flying around and most victories by knock-outs .....to a TKD contest which is basically point-sparring where the judges look for technical exponence). They are both kicking styles ....but in the street Muay Thai still retains its credibility.
Another example is Kyukoshin Karate (which is full contact and brutal) and most traditional styles of Karate (goju, shoto, etc) Your average Kyukoshin exponent is a guy who can wreak damage in the ring and in the streets! Someone who has been taking Kyukoshin for just one year, and taking it regularly and diligently, can beat the heck out of many people. In traditional systems you have t take them for a long time to get really skilled. True, after a year you can do nice kicks and pack power .....but you also spend a lot of time doing katas and all that stuff.
When i left shotokan i had a ni-dan (2nd degree black belt) after spending years in the art (i started in 3 grade and stopped when i was 19). However when i started jeet kune do (around 18) in a year i had learnt more street stuff than all those years in Shoto! And in Krav Maga it was the same.
And do not get me wrong ....Shoto and TKD is not nonsense. I know some Shoto people i would not dare mess with .....those guys are monsters (Shotokan karate is a 'hard' style of Karate that uses a lot of power in the strikes, and those guys are huge behemoths). However those guys are all 3rd degrees or higher (and from outside the US .....hence they did not start getting black belts in grade school as is apparently common here) I know i am fast, and that is one of my greatest strengths since i need the speed, but tangling with those guys and getting a single punch would probably mess me up considerably! However getting into a fight with 3rd degree Gojuryu or 4th degree ITF TKD folks is virtually impossible. By the way it is in such levels they start learning the real martial art ....in that 1st degree black is when you start learning the 'real' karate and its self-defense applications (and that is why i would not tangle with the 3rd degree folks from back home). However here i ahve met kids who are black belts and cannot even keep the local bully from stealing their lunch money .....and i wonder! Is their sifu/soke/teacher etc really legit? How do you give someone who has not even started middle school a black belt and have a clear conscience?
Anyways a 2 year student in Krav Maga would probaly beat a 6 year pure TKD fellow
We used to get black belts from other arts coming in, and they'd get their butts kicked by lower ranks all the time - all the skill, but no idea how to fight. Someone once criticized R.B.W.I. as "teaching Shakespeare to a 1st grader", in that virtually all of the combat techniques taught to a black belt are taught to a new-comer; it's just the speed, power, and application that moves you up the ranks.
A former instructor of mine, Steve Jennum, won UFC III, I believe. He's famous, or, rather, infamous, for coming in at the last fight due to injury of another contestant and winning. The next year, I believe he lost his first match. Oh well - I wouldn't mess with him.
I guess it boils down to what the person wants .....and obviously there are many who do not want a combative style. Some want an artistic form of physical expression (which is why they would take things like Wushu), others want a way to esoteric health (hence Taichi and Pakua ....although unknown to most Westerners Taichi used to be one of the most effective combat styles ....but in the west it is basically old Chinese folk doing it slowly in the park) , and some may want something that unites personal expression with self-defense (Karate, gung fu, TKD ...although again there is a tendency to just focus on Katas in the west ......when elsewhere they explain what the kata is and how it can be used pragmatically).
Then there are martial arts that are meant for self-defense. Examples are jeet kune do, combat sambo and Muay Thai (i know muay thai has a lot of competition, but it is easily applied to the street as has been proven many times).
And then there are what i call 'offense' styles. A good example is krav maga ....which although marketed as a 'self-defense' style is actually an overt offense system created by the Israeli special forces to best be able to kill or maim quickly. I do not know how Krav maga in the US is taught (i did not take mine here but in Kenya, which has a good number of Israelis) ..but back 'home' the techniques i was taught were such that i could not use them unless i really had to. And not just unarmed stuff but also interesting titbits like carrying a credit card that was sharpened on one edge, and how to effectively use it to rip someone's throat to shreds!
Anyways Krav Maga is a great art, and it is extremely applicable for self defense, however if what someone wants is 'self expression' then they better look at Ving Tsun or wushu! If they want 'health and balance' then Pakuachang or Taichichuan would be great (although again i reiterate in China a Taichi exponent learns both soft and hard styles ....and Taichi hard style looks exactly like gung fu hard styles .....the best example of real taichi is Goju-ryu karate which also has soft and hard aspects). If someone wants balance take karate or TKD (but ensure you have a teacher who wants to teach you and not just take your cash). Self-defense think JKD or Krav maga (and if you have little time take Krav because in a month you will have learnt a lot).
As for grappling it is important and should be added to every regimen (especially the self-defnse/offense arts) ...but by itself it is only good for competition because if your strategy on the streets is to immediately go into the guard position, and there are 2 sots heading towards you with malicious grins, then chances are your mug will be pretty messed up! Grappling is nice to know because you must know what to do if you end up on the ground, but you better know something else for stand up. However if all you want to do is compete then by all means take judo or jujitsu solo (actually some highschool students study jujitsu, and then go into school wrestling matches as 'wrestlers' and beat the heck out of the wrestlers).
I guess the important thing is to take what you want ...and to know what you want. Otherwise a person may end up taking Taichi (american version) when they should be taking muay thai!
And i think he is/was a great fighter.
However i would like to see him in his prime (around 1.5/2 decades ago) face a current Kyukoshin exponent (or a current muay thai dude). Basically it is my personal opinion that the greats of yesteryear (eg superfoot, Chuck norris etc) would really not do that well today. For example i have seen past fights of Norris (in the 70s when he was unbeaten and was a competitor) and to be honest he is much faster and seemingly much better nowadays (when he is a 50+ actor well past his prime). I think the key factor is cross-training ...i believe in the 70s he used to take Tang soo do but then years later started adding new stuff.
Superfoot would also be still a great fast fighter ....but if you matched him (assuming you could take him to his prime) against a current Kyushikai fighter i think Superfoot for all his speed would eat dirt.
Nowadays virtually every martial art is totally different from what it was 2 decades ago. Some are better, many are worse ...but virtually all have changed.
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