[optimistically_conservative]

Maybe we could take out a full page add:

Dear Usama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein,

We are desperately trying to prevent you from committing any further attacks against our allies and ourselves. Our President is using diplomatic and military means to protect us. Unfortunately, not all of our allies, or even our citizens, see the wisdom of his efforts. We also know as a free and open society, we may not be able to completely protect ourselves from a future attack. Therefore, we ask that if you are to attack us again, you focus your efforts at the following locations:

Martin Sheen's address.
Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon's address.
George Clooney's address.
Alec Baldwin's address (and Kim Bassinger's?)
.....