Christmas may not be quite so merry in California's prisons this year (HOLD MUH PRUNO! ALERT)

YAHOO ^

[TheOtherOne]

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Christmas may not be quite so merry in California's prisons this year.

Orange, raisins and sugar have been banned for inmates in a bid to crack down on brews of that old and potent alcoholic prison brew known as pruno.

"Pruno has always been there. Inmates make it up for holidays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, whatever. Just like everybody lays in wine and champagne and spirits for the holidays, inmates too want to prepare themselves for the holidays," said California Department of Corrections spokeswoman Margot Bach.

"The problem is that pruno is tied into assaults. They get combative. A lot of them, they had alcohol or drug problems before they came into prison, so this contributes to them acting out the old behaviors," Bach said.

Oranges, raisins and individual sugar packets -- three of the most popular ingredients for pruno -- have already been prohibited statewide.

And officials at the Lancaster, California, maximum security facility, where some 400 prisoners rioted just before Christmas last year, have banned all fresh fruit from boxed lunches served to the 4,000 inmates in their cells. Fruit is now served instead for dinner, when inmates eat in dining halls and are not allowed to leave with uneaten food.

Lancaster officials say alcohol is a common factor in the number of assaults on staff and other inmates, which in the first nine months of this year stood at 224.

[Glenn]

Recipe For Prison Pruno

Jarvis Masters

Take ten peeled oranges,
Jarvis Masters, it is the judgment and sentence of this court,
one 8 oz. bowl of fruit cocktail,
that the charged information was true,
squeeze the fruit into a small plastic bag,
and the jury having previously, on said date,
and put the juice along with the mash inside,
found that the penalty shall be death,
add 16 oz. of water and seal the bag tightly.
and this Court having, on August 20, 1991,
Place the bag into your sink,
denied your motion for a new trial,
and heat it with hot running water for 15 minutes.
it is the order of this Court that you suffer death,
wrap towels around the bag to keep it warm for fermentation.
said penalty to be inflicted within the walls of San Quentin,
Stash the bag in your cell undisturbed for 48 hours.
at which place you shall be put to death,
When the time has elapsed,
in the manner prescribed by law,
add 40 to 60 cubes of white sugar,
the date later to be fixed by the Court in warrant of execution.
six teaspoons of ketchup,
You are remanded to the custody of the warden of San Quentin,
then heat again for 30 minutes,
to be held by him pending final
secure the bag as done before,
determination of your appeal.
then stash the bag undisturbed again for 72 hours.
It is so ordered.
Reheat daily for 15 minutes.
In witness whereof,
After 72 hours,
I have hereon set my hand as Judge of this Superior Court,
with a spoon, skim off the mash,
and I have caused the seal of this Court to be affixed thereto.
pour the remaining portion into two 18 oz. cups.
May God have mercy on your soul.

1992, California State Prison-San Quentin
San Quentin, California

[Tijeras_Slim]

Also called "Jump Steady" at a facility where I worked. You could always tell when they were cooking it up, it stunk.

[Catholicguy]

<> It was Christmas in prison and the food was real good;

we had turkey and pistols carved out of wood....(John Prine song lyric)

[APBaer]

Twas A Christmas In Prison

Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the cells
The convicts were locked up
All madder than he**

Except for the lifers
Kicked back in their bunks
Heads filled with visions
Of fat little punks

When suddenly from the roof top
There arose such a roar
That the bulls thought it was
A riot for sure

The goon squad ran in
And stood ready to hit
A big guard yelled out
Who started this sh*t

It came from the roof top
Sniveled a snitch
It must be a breakout
Oh, son of a b*tch

They climbed to the roof
By way of the stairs
Found a fat little freak
In red underwear

No, No yelled the dude
I bring you good cheer
Damn said the Captain
We found us a queer

Alright m*ther f**ker
Get your hands on the wall
They shook him down good
A**hole and all

They beat him and threw him
Into the hole with a kick
Well so much for Christmas
They locked up St. Nick

This poem is brought to you with holiday greetings from APBaer.

[Unlike the **s which are brought to you by some bluenose busybody who complained about the unexpurgated version.]