"Markie, I know it's late, but I need to see you, need your touch, like in Malibu ... oh, a New Zealand shoot? OK, well say hi to your brother Donnie for me. Next on my list is ... hey ... Markie Post!"
3 am phone calls make sense if you are involved in the bamboo or Koala Bear import/export business. There are NEVER any good 3 am calls you initiate ... none. Nothing worth eating, no wisdom to share, no points to make. There are very useful and delightful 3 am calls to receive from close and intimate women who just figured out their sodden verbal kill shots were unintelligible, and YOU left the war zone with a jaunty step and the bon vivant gleam as usual. In the diseased partnership of dumbass drunks, you won, she's the fool, and she now owes you big big sex. Don't you under/non perform! Like a booster compromised college basketball team, the floppy guy renders all previous wins, going back time immemorium, completely null and void.
It's getting the capital of Lesotho for $250,000, then losing the $500,000 "Which tampon did Oprah use in 1994?" .
There are some incoming 3 am calls from CallerID locations like "Jockos Bail Bonds", "Mystic Lake Casino", "Auto Glass Ninjas", "Nguyen Pa Singh" and "Blocked Caller" that I route directly to voicemail. I'm still taking Heidi Klum's calls from Romania, but she needs to do something with her hair.