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There was an old married couple that had
happily lived together for nearly forty years.
The only friction in their marriage was caused
by the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly
every morning as he awoke.

The noise would always wake up his wife, and
the smell would cause her eyes to water as she
would choke and gasp for air. Nearly every
morning she would plead with him to stop
ripping one in the morning.

He told her that he couldn't help it. She
begged him to see a doctor to see if anything
could be done but the husband wouldn't hear of
it. He told her that it was just a natural
bodily function, and then he would laugh in her
face as she tried to wave the fumes away with
her hands.

She told him that there was nothing natural about
it, and if he didn't stop, he was one day going
to "shoot his guts out."

The years went by, and the wife continued to
suffer, and the husband continued to ignore her
warnings about "shooting his guts out" until
one Thanksgiving morning. Before dawn, the wife
went downstairs to prepare the family feast.

She fixed pumpkin pie, mashed potatoes, made gravy
and, of course, a turkey. While she was taking
out the turkey's innards, a thought occurred to
the wife as to how she might solve her husband's
problem. With a devilish grin on her face, he
placed the turkey guts into a bowl and quietly
walked upstairs hours before her flatulent husband
would awake. while he was still soundly asleep,
she pulled back the covers and then gently pulled
back her husband's jockey shorts.

She then placed all of the turkey guts into her
husband's underwear, pulled them up, replaced the
covers and tiptoed back downstairs to finish
preparing the family meal.

Several hours later she heard her husband awake
with his normal loud butt trumpeting. This was
soon followed by a blood curdling scream and the
sound of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to
the upstairs bathroom.

The wife could not control herself, and her eyes
began to tear up as she rolled on the floor
laughing. After years of putting up with him she
had finally gotten even.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came
downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a
look of horror in his eyes. She bit her lip to
keep from laughing, and she asked him what was
the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right - all
those years you warned me, and I didn't listen to
you."

"What do you mean?" innocently asked his wife.

"Well you always told me that I would end up
shooting my guts out one of these days and today
it finally happened. But by the grace of good
Lord and these two fingers, I think I got 'em
all back in."

ooooooooh bad Tomkow

But by the grace of good Lord and these two fingers, I think I got 'em all back in."

LOL!!! Funny but grouse.

I need to go out for awhile. I'll try to check in later.

...he was going to "shoot his guts out."

Go ahead and tell me I have a twisted sense of humor, but this one has me ROTFLOL!!