WHO'S HOT & WHO'S NOT!

The Iconoclast ^ | November 26, 2002 | Unkown

[clintonbaiter]

WHO'S HOT....

1. MICHAEL JACKSON




Well, Michael Jackson had fifteen minutes more in the limelight last week, but he's probably not too happy about it. After all, who didn't see that much-publicized news photo of Wacko Jacko dangling his poor terrified child from a fourth floor hotel window in Berlin?

According to several German press reports, the poor kid nearly slipped from the gloved one's grasp because weird Michael insisted on holding the child with only one hand while using his other hand to keep a dish towel (or some other bizarre covering) secure over his child's face -- for fear the public might actually get a good look at what the little Jackson looks like. Maybe the child has already had plastic surgery and a bleach job like his dad, which granted wouldn't make for a flattering news photo.

Regardless, this bizarre incident seems to be just another sign of the continued decline and fall of this once hugely popular pop star. Can it really be twenty years since the release of Michael Jackson's album, Thriller , transformed him into a world-wide pop idol?

These days, the 44-year-old manchild seems to ricochet from one bizarre PR disaster to another. For example, last July Wacko Jacko scandalized many in the music business when he charged that the chief executive of Sony Music, Tommy Mottola, was racist and "very devilish." Weird Michael insisted that Sony had not promoted his Invincible CD (a true turkey if there ever was one), even though Sony revealed it had spent nearly $50 million publicizing the loser album.

And then a short while back, the gloved one appear at a litigation trial in California looking like an unshaven caricature of the Joker character in Batman, complete with his nose looking like it was about to fall off. Perhaps contemporary news photographs of Jackson should now come with an accompanying tiny warning label at the bottom which reads: "Warning! Excessive cosmetic surgery can be hazardous to your health -- especially your nose."

And of course, there's still the matter of all those strange "sleepovers" at Jackson's Neverland ranch in the early nineties by an assortment of little boys. And then there was the subsequent civil lawsuit in which a 14-year-old boy accused Jackson of sexual molestation.

The lawsuit was settled in January, 1994, when Jacko agreed to pay a multi-million dollar cash settlement to the boy, who then dropped the lawsuit. Of course, Jackson's lawyers insisted that the payment was not an admission of guilt...but...but...why else pay such a huge sum?

What's next? Wacko Jacko announcing he's getting married again -- this time to MTV's Hedda Lettuce?

3. HANS BLIX




CNN loves him. The New York Times' editorial-page writers worship at his well-heeled UN-pacifist-bureaucratic feet. MSNBC can't miss an opportunity to run footage of his calming words. And Saddam even approves. The left's man of the hour these days is none other than weapons inspector extraordinaire, Hans Blix.

Why are Saddam and the liberal-left establishment so enamored of this veteran UN bureaucrat/diplomat? Perhaps, the following description of one of the career highlights of Hans Blix, by Gary Milhollin on the Wall Street Journal Online site, might clarify matters:

There is a reason why Iraq's friends preferred Mr. Blix. He already had an unsurpassed record of failure in dealing with Saddam Hussein. From 1981 to 1997, Mr. Blix headed the International Atomic Energy Agency, the U.N. body responsible for inspecting nuclear sites around the world--including Iraq's--to make sure they are not cranking out atomic bombs. As late as 1990, the same year Iraq invaded Kuwait, Mr. Blix's inspectors rated Iraq's cooperation as "exemplary." But all the while Saddam was running a vast A-bomb program under their very noses. Iraq produced both plutonium and enriched uranium for nuclear weapons in clear violation of the IAEA's rules. Some of the work went on at the same places that were being inspected, and was hidden with the help of an Iraqi official who was himself a former IAEA inspector. (His knowledge of inspection techniques helped dupe his former colleagues). Had the Gulf War not intervened, Iraq might have made its first bomb without anyone being the wiser.

Hans Blix, you're the greatest! Not.

WHO'S NOT....

1. P. DIDDY



Now that J.Lo has ditched him, and he's not packing any heat, P. Diddy -- aka Puff Daddy, aka Sean (Puffy) Combs -- just isn't garnering the media attention he craves. So the hip-hop mogul has had friends leak the news to U.S. News and World Report that he's considering a run for the White House.

Of course, the chances of the Harlem-born rapper, whose music hits include "You Can Hate Me Now" and "Pass the Courvoisier," being elected president are just about as slim of those of Al Gore. Mr. Diddy has obviously got a lock on the gangsta vote, but Puffy's electoral drawing power is questionable outside the hood or the nation's junior high schools.

2. WALTER MONDALE



Well, that was quick. Walter Mondale's much-celebrated political resurrection, and crusade to preserve the Democratic Party's majority in the Senate, seems to be over. And once again this aging political trainwreck disguised as an elder statesman is yesterday's news.

Of course, Mr. Mondale's Senate defeat really shouldn't be a surprise. After all, while on the hustings in Minnesota, he showed the charisma of a tree stump. And in a much-publicized TV debate with his Republican opponent, he was as wooden as the log cabin Abraham Lincoln was born in (and probably just as old).

Following the cynical rehabilitation of political hacks like Frank Lautenberg in New Jersey and Walter Mondale in Minnesota, the Democratic Party looked so desperate, one half expected them to dig up the decaying remains of poor Franklin Roosevelt and run them in place of a faltering Jean Carnahan in Missouri.

The bad news is that after this orgy of Democratic political nostalgia, Gary Hart is threatening to run for the Democratic presidential nomination in 2004. Can Jimmy Carter be far behind?

IDIOT OF THE WEEK...

AL GORE



Why won't he just go away? Like one of those kids' inflatable punching bags that faithfully pop back up every time they're knocked down, the very dislikable Al Gore just keeps on coming back for more, every time he's appears ready to go down for the count.

Now the erstwhile presidential candidate has popped up on 20/20, flogging his latest book and whining to Barbara Walters that the outcome of the 2000 election was "a crushing disappointment" and he wuz robbed by the evil conservative majority that dominates the Supreme Court. In a Washington Post interview, his spouse Tipper Gore insisted, "I still believe we won."

Talk about living in the past. Al Gore is not only yesterday's news, he's history. The possibility that in a 2004 rematch, the American people would favor AlBore over Dubyah is about as likely as Gore's former running mate Bill Clinton giving up extra-marital sex. In other words, it's not going to happen and everyone in the country -- including the entire Democratric Party -- knows it.

Nevertheless, Al is back with the latest "new and improved" Al Gore -- the latest image makeover for America's most noxious presidential aspirant. "I'm more spontaneous now," he robotically drones to interviewers, faithfully reciting from memory the latest script conocted for him by his desperate handlers. "This is a new unscripted Al Gore, speaking from the...uh, um, what was it that comes next...oh yeah, from the heart. And did I mention spontaneous too...Did I tell you about the time Tipper and I went skinny dipping in the Hamptons, or when we crashed Barbra Streisand's first Shabbos dinner with James Brolin? Ha, ha, ha!"

Go away, Al. Please!

---

[clintonbaiter]

Al Gore is history. He just doesn't understand it yet.

Bye, bye, Al. Give our regards to Harold Stassen.

[Taiwan Bocks]

Veggie Tales are hot!

[ffrancone]

According to my son, Larry Boy Rockz! I only wish he'd eat vegetables as much as he enjoys them on TV.

[sweetliberty]

Now if you could animate this one it would be great!

[Naspino]

After news that his book bombed and his approval ratings are an abysmal 19% I think Al Gore will reinvent himself again. Maybe he'll regrow his beard and dress up like Jacko. Actually -- then -- he'd almost look like Osama.

[anymouse]

Deadwood walking. :)

[Recon by Fire]

What do you want it to do?

[sweetliberty]

Oh I just thought it would be funny with little Tommy kicking his tiny little feet like in the first pic. Hehehe...

[Sloopy]

LOL

[ConservativeLawyer]

I don't know whether he is hot or not (I suspect he is not), but I just like saying "HANS BLIX."

[Nam Vet]

"Now if you could animate this one it would be great!"

YEAH! With Dasshole peeing his pants. :)

Nam Vet

[SAMS]

Remember back in the '60s there used to be a poster that said, "What if they gave a war, and nobody came?" Can some talented person make a poster/bumper sticker that says, "What if Albore, made an appearance and nobody came?"

[Pookie Me]

Michael Jackson
And of course, there's still the matter of all those strange "sleepovers" at Jackson's Neverland ranch in the early nineties by an assortment of little boys.

Neverland? Well, maybe once or twice land...

Pookie & ME

[Salo]

Q:How do you know it's bedtime in Micheal Jackson's house?

A: The big hand is touching the little hand. Ewwwww. That's so not right!