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*2030 Headlines*

Fidel Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported
legally but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

Spotted Owl plague threatens Western North America crops & livestock.

Hunt continues for Osama bin Laden; believed sighted at Yasser Arafat's tomb
in Detroit.

Thirty-five year study proclaims diet and exercise is the key to weight
loss.

Texas executes last remaining citizen.

Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.

Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.

Authentic year 2000 Florida "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.

Ozone created by electric cars killing thousands in Los Angeles.

Average height of NBA players now nine foot seven inches.

Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it
crashes BEFORE installation is completed.

New California law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers and
baseball bats be registered by January

Colorado motorist arrested for not driving SUV.

Average worker's Social Security (FICA) contribution hits $12,000 per week.
Protests planned.

White House demands Saddam Hussein's resignation for 748th time. No
response.

Seats for Mel Brooks' "The Producers" on Broadway, decline to $12,000 per.

Oprah Winfrey, nearing retirement, buys Illinois.