Drill!

Wall Street Journal | Nov. 13, 2002 | Ben Stein

[tom paine 2]

The election is over, and Mr. Bush has a majority, however slim, in both houses of Congress. Thanks to close pals within the Bush team, I can now reveal what he has in mind for the second part of his term and for the new Congress. (Hint: Some people may not like it.)

• Drill for oil in Malibu.

• Drill for oil in Central Park, New York.

• Drill for oil in Barbra Streisand's living room.

• Knock down historic Georgetown east of Wisconsin Avenue and put in a stock car raceway.

• Close the Boston MTA at Harvard Square and turn it into a nucular ( yes, "nucular") waste processing facility.

• Drill for oil in Berkeley.

• Eliminate green leafy vegetables from federally funded school lunches. Substitute chewing tobacco.

• Drill for oil in Aspen.

• Require pheasant hunting proficiency as a condition of getting a driver's license.

• Drill for oil on Riverside Drive, New York.

I think there must be more of a list than this, but it's certainly a start to the kind of America that will make Barbra finally keep her promise and leave the country.

So will someone make sure she reads this?

Mr. Stein, an actor and lawyer, is the host of the television show "Win Ben Stein's Money," on Comedy Central.

Updated November 13, 2002

[tom paine 2]

When you leave Barabara can you take that wax dummy Nancy Pelosi with you?

[JmyBryan]

Fantastic! Very funny

[Poohbah]

Department of Education recommended curriculum will have "Clubbing Baby Harp Seals" listed under Phys Ed and Biology :o)

[Rockitz]

ROFLMAO

Ben Stein for US Senate!

He forgot, "Call out the national guard to make sure that pregnant women have their babies at gunpoint."

[Dog Gone]

Eliminate PBS and replace it with the publicly-funded Monster Truck Channel.

[dd5339]

Ping!

[Tacis]

Well, there is LOTS of oil right off the west coast of Florida, in sight of downtown Tampa. But, we'll never go after it because the environazis have Jeb Bush in their pockets. All the money problems that Florida will ever have could easily be solved by taxing the oil wealth half a mile off the west coast.

Of course, California's financial problems could be fixed by exploiting the vast oil wealth off the coast of Southern California but that might spoil Bab's view and, therefore, Blackout Davis would never approve.

[RossA]

My daughter owns a condo on Riverside Drive...I wonder if that includes mineral rights?

[Poohbah]

Eliminate PBS and replace it with the publicly-funded Monster Truck Channel.

I'd vote for that...

[Billthedrill]

Drill!

Siryessir!

[Paleo Conservative]

Drill for oil in Central Park, New York.

Why would I want to drill a dry hole there?

[Cicero]

My uncle had the right to graze one sheep on the Boston Common, although he never made use of it.

[Cobra64]

Why would I want to drill a dry hole there?

Reminds me of my wife.

[Redcloak]

Other agenda items not listed...

• New DOT Safety rules will require that all motor vehicles be equipped with gun racks
• Wayne LaPierre to be nominated for US Supreme Court Justice
• Image of Ronald Reagan to be added to Mount Rushmore
• Name of Mount Rushmore to be shortened to Mount Rush
• Treasury Deparment to be ordered to replace portrait of FDR on dimes with Newt Gingrich
• Santa Monica to be approved as site for new strip mine

More to follow.

[breakem]

perhaps a lubricant may be in order...........

[jonascord]

In an effort to reduce the number of obsolete nuclear warheads, a series of shot holes, each a mile deep, will be drilled along the San Andreas fault, by the Corps of Engineers. With a nuke at the bottom of each hole, they will then be triggered, in a ripple sequence, so that the Joshua Tree National Seashore can be proclaimed as soon as the dust settles...

If it will work for Lex Luthor, who is, no doubt, a Republican...