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Today's FEEBLE attempt at humor:

Newspaper Headlines in the Year 2035

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California.

White minorities still pushing for recognition of English as California's third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, and Lebanon)

Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Texas executes last remaining citizen.

Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

Microsoft announces it has perfected the newest version of Windows. Now it crashes BEFORE installation is completed.