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How Can I Get To Heaven?

"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday School class.

"NO!" the children all answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept every thing neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"

Again, the answer was, "NO!"

"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my wife, would that get me into Heaven?", I asked them again.

Again, they all answered, "NO!"

"Well, I continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"

A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!"

Resume for GOD

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God, creator and sustainer of all life, has an eternity of
experience in every aspect of everything, including systems
design and integration and local area networking.

Specific Experience and Accomplishments

God was solely responsible for the development of every standard,
protocol, method, language and type of microprocessor in
existence. God has absolute and complete knowledge of every
detail of anything even remotely connected to computers and data
processing, as well as everything else. God practices structured
programming, and uses "go tos" only in reference to Hell.

God has extensive supervisory and leadership experience, and has
led teams of over one billion persons in such major projects as
the establishment of civilization and the development of
organized religion.

Other Experience

God's experience extends from beyond the beginning of time.
During this period God separated the light from the darkness,
created the earth, planets and stars, established the firmament
and the waters of the oceans, and created all the green plants
and living things. Later, God created human life, which many
consider to be one of God's most significant accomplishments.

Technical Background

God is thoroughly familiar with every type of computer, every
operating system, every programming language, every
communications system, and every application that has been or
will be developed, including Microsoft Windows.

Education

God holds an honary Doctorate in Comparative Religions from Oral
Roberts University, as well as current teaching certificates for
IBM's Programmer Productivity seminars.

Salary Requirements

Seeking 10 - 15% increase.