Posted on 09/17/2002 8:53:12 AM PDT by johnqueuepublic
PBN Editorial: Here We Go Again - Butter Crème Frosting Shortage Indefinitely Delays Return Of UNSCOM Inspectors
By William A. Mayer, Editor & Publisher - PipeBombNews.com
In an address to the world carried exclusively on Al-Jazera television, the Arabic peninsula’s most eligible bachelor, the ruggedly handsome Sadam Hussein, made it clear today that without proper welcoming festivities complete with flaky pastries he could not in good conscience allow the return of what he termed “My dear friend Kofi Annan’s guardians of peace.” Continuing, the extremely butch dictator stated, “Without the traditional Iraqi welcoming party it is simply out of the question for us to sheperd guests into our national, and may I say very ample, bosom.”
Iraqi foreign minister, and good friend of Scott Ritter, Tareq Aziz elaborated.
“Without hospitality and good cheer, civilization simply cannot bloom and flower as it does in Baghdad. We will not allow America to make war on the petit four.”
The butter crème shortage caught the United Nations flat footed, immediately referring the matter to France for action.
An agitated French president Jaques Chirac demanded further clarification:
“This is all the fault of the Bush administration’s ten year war on the people of Iraq. What kind of philistines do we have coming from Texas? You never, never, NEVER just say “butter crème” to a Frenchman. No way…our premier desert chefs have hundreds – no - thousands of toppings that roughly approximate butter crème,” blue flecked eyes combining with his trademarked photogenic sneer to form an image worthy of Limoges.
“Do they want double crème butter? A bit of Pernod or Armagnac? A little Crème Fraiche? A hint of molasses, perhaps? Granulated sugar? Powdered sugar? Confectioner’s sugar? Double refined sugar? Raw sugar?
Combined by hand? Blended by machine?
Beaten by Jesuits?
These things make a difference!”
His plaintive voice, now raising, “I mean we simply can not go on like this, stalling the party because those cowboys in Washington do not display the proper amount of élan at a time when great culinary leadership is called for.”
Colin Powell responding to criticism by the close knit cooking fraternity, responded.
“Back where I come from we are unambiguous about such matters, frosting is frosting you either choose chocolate or vanilla, the administration speaks with one voice on this sticky point.”
Later in the day, Maureen Dowd in a New York Times Op-ed piece suggested that this was merely another demonstration of the ineptitude of the Bush administration, saying:
“During the Clinton years, there was never even one sugar related diplomatic crisis. Mr. Clinton’s rhetoric was always carefully crafted to give due and syrupy recognition to the importance of foreign sweets.” She quipped, “Maybe they should rename the White House, the Sugar Shack.”
Sources close to the administration admitted that the sugar snafu has unfortunately sent mixed signals to our allies but further went on to darkly hint that the Iron Chef was indeed on his way to Iraq.
Developing…….
We will not make war on the petit four!
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