Advice from Strangers: This week's guest: Iraqi Deputy Prime Minister Tareq Aziz

the Daily Probe ^ | 9/10/2002 | staff

[WindMinstrel]

Dear Tareq,

I suspect my husband is cheating on me. Yet I have no solid evidence. Should I confront him, or perhaps do a little snooping around on my own?

Worried in Worcester

Dear Worried,

How can you not be certain that you have not provoked your husband into this situation with your constant posturing and disregard of his sovereignty? You can not! Your proud and ever defiant husband draws his strength from your bullying and attempts to isolate him! Eventually he will bring you to your knees trembling before his mighty power! But I digress. Your husband is probably a reasonable man, ask him to set up times - convenient to him, of course - where he can let you check his collar for lipstick, or his car for another woman's hair, etc. Your lack of evidence will be as embarrassing to you as it is vindicating to him.

Tareq Aziz

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Dear Tareq,

My mother-in-law is constantly criticizing everything I do. No meal is good enough, no bed well enough made. I'm at wit's end. I want to say something, but I hate confrontation.

Aggravated in Manhattan

Dear Aggravated,

Your enemy mother-in-law taunts you and heaps further disrespect upon you by interfering with the running of your internal affairs! She is a pig who, if there is an Allah, will be crushed under the boot of your self righteousness as her bullying attempts are met with the fiery hand of vengeance! Until then, simply hire a maid and cooking service and only allow your mother-in-law to come over for her inspections of your home after these professionals visit. I think you will be pleased with the result.

Tareq Aziz

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Dear Tareq,

I really screwed up with my ex-girlfriend. I have so many things to say to her, but my screwing up landed me with a restraining order. What should I do?

Restrained in Fremont

Dear Restrained,

This restraining order is an attempt by infernal meddling powers to build a buffer which keeps you from tending to matters which should be of no concern to anyone but you. Ignore this defilement of your right of free reign and those who imposed it upon you will one day beg you for their very lives at your hand! However, to keep it safe, darting into the restricted area, saying your piece, and darting out denying you ever crossed into the this buffer would be most prudent.

Tareq Aziz

[APBaer]

"She is a pig who, if there is an Allah..."

Er,....Tareq Aziz is a Christian, not a Moslem.

[WindMinstrel]

he is? Didn't know that. There are a bunchload of Iraqi Christians, though, you're right.

Anyhow, it's just a humor piece. I don't expect 'em to be accurate, just amusing