Posted on 09/08/2002 9:52:25 AM PDT by Leisler
by Howie Carr
Sunday, February 3, 2002
You can understand why East Boston was so angry last week about being singled out, however tentatively, as a potential new Combat Zone.
After all, it's such a booty-ful, I mean beautiful, area. It is with deep affection that most of us refer to Ward 1 as Logan International Airport.
And such a rich history. Eastie was the home of the first person ever admitted to the Witness Protection Program, one Joe ``The Animal'' Barboza. In olden times it was represented by a beloved city councilor known to one and all as ``I'll Take a Buck.''
East Boston - where Mohamed Atta parked his car and Whitey Bulger tried to smuggle 100 grand in cash past customs.
Race for your flight, or watch the ponies race. See state Rep. Anthony Petruccelli drive down Saratoga Street with expired plates on his leased car.
I say to Eastie, lose those Blue Line blues. If it makes you, or should I say youse, feel any better, youse are not the only community in the commonwealth that recently has had to endure graphic evidence that youse are going downhill, fast.
In fact, there are certain telltale signs that let you know that your municipality or neighborhood may be slip-sliding away:
The new high school includes a day-care center.
The local Dunkin' Donuts doesn't get busy until early afternoon.
Alleged downtown ``renaissance'' credited to state's recent legalization of tattoo parlors.
Three words: Keno! Keno! Keno!
Acting Gov. Jane Swift once lived in a state-subsidized apartment in your town.
Bernard Cardinal Law recently showed up at Saturday night Mass in your parish to apologize for the actions of Father (fill-in-the-blank).cw0
Biggest source of legal ads for local weekly is announcements of name changes following sex ``reassignment'' operations.
No one from your city is ever arrested in Operation Squeeze because they don't have to go into Boston to find street prostitutes.
You know your city is going downhill when there are so many FBI agents rummaging around City Hall that the mayor decides to become Swift's running mate.
And the only local Republican candidate you ever see on the ballot is named Althea Garrison.
The biggest issue in town is whether local packies should ban ``nips'' to discourage loitering winos.
Your town's name rhymes with ``Paddleboro.''
Candidates for governor shoot TV spots in your city to show there are ``two Massachusetts,'' and guess which one you're living in.
When you buy gas, you have to speak to someone through bullet-proof glass.
Drug store has hand-lettered sign on front door: ``We no longer stock OxyContin.''
The biggest downtown property owner is a religious cult that, as they say on TV, ``does not believe in modern medicine.''
Businesses with the word ``Brockton'' in their names are opening branches in your town.
Thomas F. Birmingham swept the Democratic caucuses in your city yesterday.
The leading local pol's son has been both shot and arrested in the last month.
Three more words: Food Stamps Accepted.
The most popular dog breeds are pit bull and Rottweiler.
Half the video stores are named Exxxstasy or Exxxcapade.
Local motels advertise ``hourly rates available.''
What were supposed to be high-rise waterfront luxury condominiums now accept Section 8 vouchers.
The George Cashman Legal Defense Fund has its post-office box and bank account in your town.
What was once a department store on Main Street is now occupied by a ``multi-services center.''
Most common phrase on any tour of the town: ``This used to be . . .''
In the better neighborhoods, there's talk of secession, while calmer voices argue that a name change for the city will suffice. (It won't.)
Where the cobbler used to be, there's a palm reader.
They're trying to put a homeless shelter in your neighborhood - a ``wet'' shelter.
The police chief has announced formation of a cockfighting squad.
The mayor and his top aides all have the same last name.
Look at it this way, Eastie. The bottom line here is, it could be worse. You could be Chelsea.
Howie Carr's radio show can be heard every weekday afternoon on WRKO-AM (680), WHYN-AM (560), WGAN-AM (560), WXTK-FM (95.1) or online at howiecarr.org.
Hmmm......is that a dig at Chelsea the city or Chelsea the Clinton?
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.