Posted on 08/23/2002 2:35:12 PM PDT by afraidfortherepublic
Virginia has sent many emissaries into the world, some of them great, but the record is not perfect. This week the Old Dominion is shamed that two of its own were involved in a sex scandal in New York's famed St. Patrick's Cathedral.
Being of naturally sunny disposition, we are slightly cheered that the event in question did not include altar boys, priests, bishops, deacons, or a horny choir mistress. The act was consensual, between a man and woman, and somewhat hidden (taking place in the vestibule). Indeed, one school of thought has it that compared to other sex scandals of our day this one might be considered a step in the right direction.
But the sad fact is, these two Holy Rollers deserve a good dunking and perhaps a horse-whipping on the side. Most Virginians, at the very least, are taught early on that there are some things you just don't do in church. You can snooze, but you never snore. Your mind can wander, but you must keep your hands to yourself. You can go in drunk, but don't complain if the parson singles you out as the Devil's Spawn and someone picks your pocket.
And you certainly don't go into church for a poke. That's true even if you're married and the place is empty. You might take a tumble in the graveyard but it had better be a very dark night and you'd better leave the place just as you left it. One goes to church on Sunday, as the old saying goes, to beg that Saturday night's wild oats experience a divinely directed crop failure.
The St. Pat's event, from all reports, was bereft of any hint of grace. The couple in question did the deed as part of a game in which points are scored and prizes are given. By one reasonable interpretation, that makes this a case of sex for material gain. Here in the South we have a word for that: prostitution. Of course, the traditional way of understanding prostitution involves Person A (John) paying Person B (the Ho). In New York, as we know, things work a bit differently. In this case, a radio station -- WNEW -- was the sponsor of the game; a third party was anteing up. This sounds almost like a government program.
All of this reminds us of how far our culture has slipped. Not too long ago the typical Ho was known to sweat in church. In this case, there was someone nearby calling in a stroke by stroke commentary. Lord, what a turnaround. Defenders of the Dreck Industry are fond of pointing out that people don't have to watch or listen, which is partly true. But when you're paying people to go to church to bang away, with a commentator calling in from nearby, we can all agree there's something invasive going on.
Indeed, the fact that a radio station would materially reward people for having sex in a church that has, through the ages, officially taught sexual restraint is a direct attack on that institution. This is the religion, we should remember, whose Founder held that simply thinking about sex outside of marriage constituted Adultery, which is on the Top Ten list of prescribed activities. To send an unmarried couple on a bonk mission while the faithful observe Mass is truly an outrage (a word this correspondent rarely uses). This is something like dispatching a puppy killer to a PETA convention, except the latter would of course never happen.
The act was bad enough. Now comes the attempt to slip the legal sanction for lewdness. We are told the couple only simulated sex, and couldn't have really gotten down to business because they kept their clothes on. That line of defense suggests that Virginians don't have zippers on their clothes -- or, if we do, we don't know how to operate them. That is another outrage, though one sees a "Southern strategy" at work here. We are informed that one of the disk jockeys involved is named Opie, bringing to mind a beloved child character from Mayberry. The female offender's first two names are Loretta and Lynn, which also brings to mind things Southern. If the lawyers have their way, they'll probably put out word the accused drove to the Cathedral in a donkey cart. The message: What do you expect from Trash?
That is crude regionalism, and two can play the game. Southern sympathizers could argue that these two Virginians were the victims of a couple of city slickers who have made a pretty good name for themselves up north. One April Fool's day these jocks announced the death of Boston's mayor -- as a joke. They put on a skit about an incestuous relationship between a father and daughter. Has this hurt their careers? To the contrary. They made it to the Big Apple -- the premier market. We could also point out that their kind of humor is widely appreciated up that way. All will recall that the wife of New York's former mayor was tapped to perform in The Vagina Monologues, to give but one of many available examples.
But we won't drop to that level. These people were Virginians, albeit from Northern Virginia -- Quantico and Alexandria, to be exact -- but Virginians nonetheless. They traveled to a great city and acted very badly. "God is mad at you!" shouted one New Yorker as they departed a court appearance. That may be true; if so, may He cause their privates to wither and die. Virginia is also mad, or at least shamed. We Southerners learned long ago that sex and church don't mix. And for that, we once again thank you, Brother Swaggart.
They could always dispatch that other famous Virginian, Lorena Bobbit.
Want to really drive liberals crazy? Dare some man and woman to have sex in the New York Legislature while in session. I suspect that though many of those folks have imagined the idea of heterosexual coupling before, the actual sight of it would make them sick.
That doesn't count then, mostly people up there are DC connected riffraff. We have had nothing but trouble from them since DC became the Capital. They knew better than to pull a stunt like that in The Commonwealth though, took their act up to the Northeast.
True, I bet they're from elsewhere, since it seems like most in this part of the Commonwealth are. There are people who live here by happenstance and then there are Virginians. In keeping with the point of the article, hmmph, there...I shunned them.
Why include the word "alleged"?
Cordially,
:~) [big grin]
ROTFLOL!
Thank You!!!
This is EXACTLY the point I was making, when I was jumped by "Catholics" who railed against me something fierce!
I NEVER excused the couple/O & A's behaviour, but I did call into question what you did here...
Any other religion other than the RCC, and I would not have been as indignant at the outcry...but where were they as these scandals broke?! And where are they NOW? Why is there no daily protests against pedophiles/homosexuals in cassocks? No indignation at the hierarchy that used their money and helped and shuttled these perverts from parish to parish?
I think those who are out for blood in the O & A case need to look a little closer at THEIR own Church and hierarchy...as well as remembering "Judge not, lest ye be judged"," Better they tie a millstone around their necks, than harm one of my children", and other teachings they seem to have forgotten.
I narrowly escaped being one of the victims of the Catholic abuse, I had friends that weren't so lucky.
THIS is why I rail against the Catholic Church... I never knew it went as far into the very ruling body of the Church as it does...the "Lavendar Mafia" rules the Vatican as we saw when Bernie Law escaped justice/punishment!
I assume now I will see the same "Catholics" that attacked me on the other thread show up now and use the same foul language/personal attacks that make all "Catholics" proud...I believe they look good in the color brown!
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