To rescue marriage, address divorce

DenverPost.com ^ | July 31, 2002 | Al Knight

[Skywalk]

Crystalk made a VERY good point. It seems that criticizing the instability of women in contemporary marriage is shouted down by a few of our members, without regard for the truth. The fact is that while we live much longer these days, it's not like a 50 year old man or woman hold the same appeal as they once did, so leaving to "find something better" still makes little sense.

Sure, you can be annoyed at the quirks or flaws of your mate, but why do people think the next person won't have their own(and sometimes the exact same flaws!)? The media truly has done a number on both men AND women. Men more easily feed their sexual desires, and women are fooled into being sluts in the foolish hope that they can snag a good man that way. It's a disgusting situation we face today, and I can't say that I haven't played a part in it, sadly.

One problem is that without someone to check our behavior, even men who want something meaningful will jump into bed quickly thinking(like women) that this is the way to build intimacy. Even a relationship that might have been great can hit the rocks because everything became focused around sex much too soon.

I don't think any of us are overlooking the fact that women desire sex or have greater freedom in pursuing happiness. I think what we are saying is that people are lacking in the character and strength to stick through the dull moments and the arguments. In fact putting in the effort to make it work, raising children, etc is what makes a relationship truly special. When it happens I know that looking at my wife feeding my child will make my heart melt and my love grow. THIS IS HOME, or at least that's what we should all be thinking.

[Bloody Sam Roberts]

What makes you think I look like a tripod?

Sorry! I should have looked at the URL when I linked to it. The image showed up on my box but I didn't realize it was a Tripod hosted image until you mentioned it.

Let me try again. Is this you?

[RogerFGay]

New Topic Posted

Child Support Visitation Credit Gets International Attention

[Right To Life]

Egads! Why have you posted a picture of me?

Kidding. Who is that dude?

[Right To Life]

Seriously, the problems are that women are schooled into the idea that men/fathers/husbands are disposable; men/fathers/husbands are schooled into the idea that they are only valued as paychecks.

Plus, there is this thing in guy culture where you're almost supposed to be a "skirt-chasin', booze-guzzlin', remote-clickin' hombre".

Yeesh.

Personally, I've always said that real men are committed family men. Of course, many of those are scared off by the prospect of being robbed of their own children, and their house, and their incomes, by the divorce courts.

[Right To Life]

You know, I believe that, rogues acknowledged, many guys less fear commitment than they do fear infidelity or a lack of commitment from the object of their affections.

[Right To Life]

You are mis-assuming that casual sex IS natural for guys.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

To deny the commitment runs against male nature, pop culture portrayals thereof notwithstanding.

[Right To Life]

...why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free...

Why would women endure the compromises that a marriage entails when they can get all of the same parenting rights, and finances, and property in a divorce?

[tortoise]

The other half of the equation is the fact that men are no longer required to get married to have sex.

Good. Because getting married so that you can have sex is a bloody stupid reason to get married, which is what you seem to be implying.

[Jeff Chandler]

You are mis-assuming that casual sex IS natural for guys.

I am only acknowledging the biological fact that men are attracted to many different women, and that monogamy is not natural for them. Absent societal controls and a desire for a higher existence, men will readily engage in casual sex, because this is indeed their nature. This is common knowledge to any intellectually honest male.

I personally believe that men can elevate their lives above their animal nature, that committed, lifelong marriage is best for our physical, psychological, and spiritual well-being, and that real men control their baser instincts, and are true to their commitments. Popular culture does not distort the true nature of men, but rather mis-labels it as healthy.

[Right To Life]

...men will readily engage in casual sex, because this is indeed their nature. This is common knowledge...

Please don't look in the mirror and call the reflection "the nature of men". What you describe is the nature of unevolved apes.

[Right To Life]

And animal nature is not human nature. Marry a beautiful woman who you love, and every other woman will clearly be identifiable as not her.

The nature of men IS monogamy.

[Jeff Chandler]

Good. Because getting married so that you can have sex is a bloody stupid reason to get married, which is what you seem to be implying

I'm not implying, you're infering. Sex is only one component of marriage, having a partner in life, raising a family, etc. are others, but channeling one's sex drive into a relationship where it can have more meaning than whacking off used to be a much larger factor than it is today, and for decent men who didn't want to just use women as masturbatory recepticals, marriage was the only societally acceptable outlet. Now that women agree to be objectified, the incentive to marry is diminished.

[Jeff Chandler]

What you describe is the nature of unevolved apes

LOL! AND human males.

[tortoise]

You are mis-assuming that casual sex IS natural for guys.

We ARE talking about the human species, aren't we? Men aren't grossly promiscuous by nature, but they definitely have a natural inclination for the occasional casual "liaison".

[Jeff Chandler]

And animal nature is not human nature. Marry a beautiful woman who you love, and every other woman will clearly be identifiable as not her.

The nature of men IS monogamy.

Is this what your husband told you?

[Jeff Chandler]

[Centurion2000]

Sheese, how did so much obvious common knowledge ever get lost?

There was this little thing called liberalism .... which mutated into a monster of a cultural meme.

The good news is that it is so self-destructive that it should kill itself off in a couple of generations.
The bad news is that it might take Western civilization in its death throes.

After the inevitable collapse, things will get back to normal.

[tortoise]

And animal nature is not human nature. Marry a beautiful woman who you love, and every other woman will clearly be identifiable as not her.

Are you female? The set of all women a man will happily have sex with is a superset of the women a man loves. Just because I am in a committed and explicitly monogamous relationship doesn't mean it not in my nature to engage in the occasional casual fling. It IS in my nature, but I choose not to for other reasons. My monogamy has nothing to do with my "nature". I'm monogamous because it is rational in my specific case, though it is not necessarily true in all cases.

[Centurion2000]

easy divorce laws encourage men to leave a marriage

You'd better go back do more research. 75% of divorces are filed by WOMEN.