Fathers Bear the Brunt of Gender Bias in Family Courts

INSIGHT magazine ^ | July 29, 2002 | Dianna Thompson and Glenn Sacks

[Stand Watch Listen]

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[IronJack]

NOW has lobbied hard against shared-parenting

Since it is axiomatic that the child benefits from exposure to both parents except in cases of abuse or neglect, NOW's resistance can't come from concern for the child. No, it's about Little Tommy Mealticket. Children represent power over men, power in the form of money (child support) that is extorted from men by the state on women's behalf. THAT is NOW's motivation, nothing nobler.

[Free the USA]

fyi

[griffin]

As a father of a 4 and 2 year old trying to get my wife's undiagnoised, suspected mental illness discovered, I have spent over $14,000 and 1.7 years in court.

My wife has successfully stalled for over a year in getting a mental health evaluation with little or now consequences to herself. She still has sole temporary custody of the children even though my PREVIOUS lawyer told me that the court has very little bias anylonger.

Yeah, right. It will take two kids floating face down in the bathtub before anyone takes my concerns seriously. :((

Family court is a joke.

[RobRoy]

I go to court next Friday to get a "temporary parenting plan" put in place to give me legal "custodial parent" status of my daughter until the official court date late next spring.

My daughter has been living with me and her step mom since mid February.

Her mothers protest (the reason this is even going to court) is that my daughter should continue to live with me but I should continue sending her child support which she will reimburse every month provided I meet certain criteria.

Oh, I haven't seen any money yet.

Her response was basically, "you keep the kid and keep sending me money."

I'm hoping the court sees it that way...

[tjg]

Since NOW sacrificed thier few principals, and all of thier credibility for the Clintons, I guess they are reduced to fabricating 'studies' to try and build reputation.

I don't think anybody pays much attention to them anymore.

[11B3]

Good luck - seriously.

The article gives a couple examples of what I went through, and over a five year period I spent nearly $30K fighting. I gave up, and have essentially fallen off of the face of the earth as far as the court system is concerned. Someday, I know I'll see my daughter again - when she's an adult and independent from her deranged mother. Don't count on the courts to help you do anything but drain your wallet into the system, and use the fact that you are a caring parent against you. They don't care that she may be psycho - it just keeps all of you "in the system" in one way or another.

[sauropod]

Agree with you. my soon to be ex withheld my kids for 9 months before i got overnight visitation.

The article did not even touch on the crime of child support.

Family law? HAH!

[VRWC_minion]

I go to court next Friday to get a "temporary parenting plan" put in place to give me legal "custodial parent" status of my daughter until the official court date late next spring.

As a Dad who had custody of my son from 18 months old let me tell you that whatever is temporary becomes permanent. Plus, don't hold your breath getting child support. My ex refused to pay and while Dad's were being carted off to jail for owing a few months my ex was forgiven years of back support with no reason what-so-ever.

At leat everything else was 50/50.She got the assets and I got the debt. I still can't for the life of me understand why she refused to give me the crib.

[MattinNJ]

I just represented a father who was being sued by his ex for the college costs for their three sons. He was a respectable (slightly arrogant) business professor who had managed to accumulate millions of dollars on a college professor's salary by simply being frugal. (She waived alimony because she walked away with a nice house free and clear and nearly a million in cash). He had no problem promptly paying for his children's tuition, room and board, and college related expenses. What he did have a problem paying for was any frivolous spending by the three kids such as magazines, late fees, withdrawal penalties, etc...He was of the opinion that the kids should have a part time job and help defray some of the minor expenses.

To make a long story short, we got hammered by a judge who promptly decided that, pursuant to the socialist based child support guidelines in New Jersey, that he should not only pay these minor items, but give each kid an additional $ 2,000.00 a year so they wouldn't have to work. The father was honestly just trying to instill some values like hard work, frugality, and personal responsibility and the judge turns around and reinforces the exact opposite behavior.

I left the court room bewildered. I hadn't lost like that in a long time. The court is right by Washington's Headquarters in Northern New Jersey. Outside the court room are portraits of some of the founding fathers and revolutionary war heroes like Nathaniel Greene. I remember thinking to myself, if only these guys had known.

[RobRoy]

People know where these judges live. Eventually a guy that gets "hammered" this way in court is gonna say, "y'know, at this point, it's mano e mano."

It may have already happened a few times for all I know. There's a reason they have metal detectors in court houses. And not the toy ones in airports. These are the prison grade variety...

[RobRoy]

Yeah, that's why I'm going for temporary now. BTW, my teenaged daughter is far closer to her step mom than she has ever been to her real mom. It's been that way pretty much since they first met, years ago.

I've been in and out of court since the beginning and we're hoping it's about done.

[griffin]

Teenage? There is an age where the child is supposed to be able to choose who he/she wants to live with. Any info on that age for your state?

[griffin]

"...until the official court date late next spring"

Holy bananas....your court date is late next spring!? Didn't think my courts could be any worse at scheduling. Guess I was wrong.

[Jim Noble]

>> It will take two kids floating face down in the bathtub before anyone takes my concerns seriously<<

Been there, done that.

You and your kids are in my prayers.

[RobRoy]

Yes. Don't laugh now. It's 18...

My ex is just stalling at this point. Her maintenance runs out in a month and I have been paying thousands a month for years (including child support).

We originally weren't going for support (if we could come to terms) but she refused to meet even once. Now, we're going for court ordered support based on the child support schedule. We'll then do it the standard way - immediate garnishment of wages though Department of Social and Health Services (DSHS), a seriously wicked organization.

That's how it's done in this state... 8^>

[Jim Noble]

>>you keep the kid and keep sending me money<<

This is a surprisingly common situation.

You can kiss the money goodbye, please don't spend any emotional energy or fees on that issue-the money is gone, forget about it.

Save your energy for caring for your child.

[Jim Noble]

>>I still can't for the life of me understand why she refused to give me the crib<<

They never give up the crib.

[Jim Noble]

>>I remember thinking to myself, if only these guys had known<<

They did know.

That's why they had automatic father custody, and a male-only franchise.

[RobRoy]

Yes, that's what we've done up to now. But if custody becomes "official" in about 10 days, at least we can stop paying. In this state they do at least believe the money goes where the child resides.

Otherwise, they would be too "obviously" biased... 8^>