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A nine mm is just to small IMHO for personal protection.

I've heard that before, but my argument is that I'd rather have three small holes in a dead attacker than one big hole in the wall next to a live attacker. For your average "home defender", a .45 is too much to handle effectively. For one thing, the recoil on a .45 is just too exaggerated to recover from quickly. That gives you one BIG boom followed by a lingering lost second or so while the barrel is brought back under control to place the next shot (the one you won't get off because that lost second was just enough for the assailant to close the distance between himself and the now defensless, previously overly-well armed defender). I've got no argument with a .45 as a defense pistol, it will certainly get the job done in experianced hands. But it will only be effective if the owner spends the time to "get over" the shock of actually firing the thing and spends the time learning to manage that recoil, while the "barrel bounce" on a 9mm is much more forgiving and lends itself to a second or third pull on-target instead of the powerful first pull that careens slightly off-target because the shooter flinched while anticipating that big BOOM.

You're right about the over-penetration with the 9 though. Even a solid center-mass impact has a chance of paying your neighbor a visit after it exits through the "back door" of the uninvited guest. Sobering thought. That's why I tell my neighbors to sleep on the floor and stay away from their walls. Just because I care... :)

I'm going to jump in here and correct you about the .45. The .45 is a big and slow round that allows a person to control the recoil. I taught a bunch of Boy Scouts two weeks ago and we used full house .45 loads. After explaining how to hold the 1911 and telling them what to expect, the kids, who averaged in age to about 13, were experiencing a two inch height in recoil and they were doing fine with hitting. There was one kid who wasn't listening through the entire instuction. That boy was experiencing the torque when he fired.
If you're having trouble with recoil, it's because:
You're holding it wrong.
This is something someone told you.
You're using some mini-concealable gun.

Point taken. Your argument speaks for the need for training and practice. It is not just enough to buy a full-sized 1911 .45 and stick it in the drawer. The shooter has to know what he/she is doing and practice practice practice.

For one thing, the recoil on a .45 is just too exaggerated to recover from quickly.

Not with a Glock. This is one feature that makes the gun so attractive. I bought their full-sized .45 and after a couple of magazines at the range was wondering if somehow I didn't pick up a 9mm by mistake.

I've never found the recoil from the most unforgiving 1911s that much of a problem. But even by those standards, the Glock .45s are very managable, especially when shooting double-taps by not fully releasing the trigger.