If this dud-monkey goes to jail for burnin' the Red, White and Blue - I'd bet when he get out he will never hear himself F*A*R*T again!!!!
Even lighting a match could fall under this one, and requires upon conviction that the crook does a minimum of 10 years before the first parole hearing. Back in the days I was a cop, I got somebody convicted on that one. Drove the D.A. nuts when I showed up for the preliminary hearing. He asked how come I didn't just charge them with arson (molotov cocktail thrown at an apt. building). When I told him they'ed get less than 7 years on a straight arson charge and pointed out what they'ed get on what I arrested them for, he decided I'd done good. Ha.