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Well, my ex-wife used to do it all the time. I later discovered she was indeed having an online affair. But that was in a separate chat, part of the online role-playing game Everquest. Prior to that she would spend lots of time in instant messaging, ignoring me, and it bugged me. But now that I'm single, I chat with a woman in Australia for an hour or two every night (cheaper than calling her all the time). But the difference is that I'm not doing so in detriment to a relationship -- it IS the relationship.

But anyway, I would say that if she's using this as an excuse not to relate to you, then it could be a problem. And as I said, I know exactly how that feels.

I haven't really decided whether she's using it not to relate to me right now.

I am in the process of getting my own business off the ground right now. I spend a lot of time at my PC right next to her, during the same hours late at night when she is chatting (we have 2 pcs nearby to each other). While I am working on the computer for my business, she chats. Then we both go to bed at some point.

If she was not chatting she would probably be doing something else here in the same room with me like reading or watching TV. I would still be working, because it's the best time for me to work.