Replies

I don't think I'd be exactly miserable if I were a full-time "work outside the home mom," but I KNOW life would definitely be more hectic. I'd hate to have to do my 10 weekly loads of laundry only on the weekends (we'd be stuck close to home all day, yuck!), or to have to do all my errands only on the weekends. And I have an hour+ commute and so dinner every night would be at 8 pm, and I'd never see my kids. I don't think my family would thrive in this kind of situation. For one thing, full-time day care is horrible for children. It's also very hard for 4 people to converge on each other at the end of the day, having been in separate places, apart, all day. It's easier and more peaceful to just have one member (ie, the father) come home to a family who's waiting for him, with dinner already ready. So while the avoidance of misery is important, I'd say a less hectic lifestyle is important too.

You are right, it is certainly more hectic when both parents work. But it can be made to work and people need not be miserable. That was the point of my reply. Unless my wife is lying to me, women with careers are not necessarily miserable.

I should note that in my situation, I am a manager and somewhat flexible in when I can work at home (thank God for laptops, cell phones and the Internet!). My wife supports mainframe applications and can do her job anywhere with an Internet connection. So she can work at home whenever the need arises. Not every working couple has that luxury so in fairness, I should make my situation more clear.

Neither of us aspire to be an executive or an entrepreneur. So long hours is not a problem for us. We can both get home at a reasonable hour each day and have weekends and holidays off. We both have both sacrificed the "fast track" and yet our incomes put together equal that of an average executive. There are many executives who put in 100-hour (or more) weeks and are never home for the kids. In those situations, it would be crazy for the wife to work as well. Yet even a stay-at-home wife would quickly get fed up with a workaholic husband who is never around. Many marriages have failed due to this.

So I believe we have achieved the best of both worlds.